invalidation
i got sexually assaulted about two weeks ago and ive been trying to recover since it occurred but part of it is not knowing what im recovering from. i was sober and conscious through it all but in the moment it wasnt unbearable or anything he just crossed boundaries after i previously said stop and in the moment i was more disappointed than anything bc he did that but it wasnt awful after i was still disappointed but it weighed on me more and its been sorta the same ever since. the problem is that it feels like i dont know what to recover from because while that was easily the worst i ever felt in my life and im still living that i cant pin point exactly what was so bad about it. it makes it so that i almost feel invalid about feeling so awful because what do i even feel awful about when in the moment it was just disappointment in him doing that to me. i couldnt find anything about this online and i guess im just looking for reasoning
I had something similar happen to me earlier this year. I was conscious and sober and i was even flirting but i was clear when i said NO multiple times and even though he didn’t hurt me physically he took MY choice from me and that’s exactly what the issue is. He was a person of power who was also my friend and yet he raped me. I don’t even know if he knows what he did was that bad honestly but to me, i know. I said no and he did it anyways. Even if it wasn’t penetrative, it’s still assault. You did not give consent and that’s what the problem is. Even though it wasn’t violent and it wasn’t under the influence doesn’t mean it didn’t happen to you. I’m so sorry that you are going through this and i hope you have at least one person close to you who you can tell. Even if you never talk about it again or omit all the details it still does help to tell someone close to you. I would also recommend therapy. I personally haven’t sought out therapy yet, but this wasn’t my first assault unfortunately, although i do plan to go once I’ve moved in a couple months. I hope this helps you understand that you’re not alone, and let’s you know that all of your feelings are valid.