new here and need advice (trigger warning)

hi, so i just downloaded this app and created an account by suggestion of one of my friends, and i desperately need advice.

a few months ago, i finally got out of a relationship with someone who was consistently and constantly awful to me. i can't be entirely sure how long the relationship lasted as i genuinely can't remember most of the things that happened during that time other than things that may or may not be considered traumatizing. honestly, i don't even remember her name. i'm hesitant to say this since it feels wrong in every sense of the word, but i'm fairly certain that she raped me. pretty consistently.

well, again, i finally got away from her, but now i'm at a loss for what to do. i've spent the past few months just trying to ignore it and being scared and angry, but, clearly, that hasn't helped. i can't afford therapy, and i'm afraid to speak to most people about it because i am a guy. there's quite a stigma about that, as i'm sure you know. i want to talk about it with someone, but i would feel bad putting that burden on another. most of my close friends know what happened in general, but i'm so disgusted with the details that i desperately want to speak about it with someone, especially someone who could help. i don't know what to do. i feel so trapped. as relieving as it is to finally be away from her, this is somehow even harder to deal with.

sorry for that rant haha. any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. thanks.