Loss of a child in a house fire

In 2005, I lost my 10-year-old son in a house fire. I survived along with three of my other children. A few years later, I learned that my husband actually set the fire, intending for us all to perish.

Despite the period of time that has passed, I struggle with survivors guilt. The struggle is very lonely, as I was the only functioning parent left in the family unit, I had to go on. I had to provide for the other children, I had to be strong for them.

I have done this reasonably well. I have become successful in a leadership role, in a solid career, that still gives me time with my family.

But this weekend, is the anniversary of that terrible time. I'm alone in my grief. There's no one in my family who can listen to my tears, to my story. My friends tend to fade away if I share this, and I need them for other things. And so I'm alone in my grief.

This weekend she'll pass, and I will go on and do well. But for now I need to wallow in this misery. I need to sad for my loss.