My best friend is gone

tw: self death (im sorry i just cant say the actual word)

one of my best friends is gone, it was all so sudden, he was feeling down more recently but its a stressful time with exams coming up so everyone was, i thought he was overall feeling better, he seemed happy. i was the last person that they know of to speak to him, i had to talk to the police and recount everything i knew. i can barely sleep, i cant eat. me and my friend have to tell the rest of our school friends today, his friends that know are all in a group and were supporting each other but i just feel so overwhelming guilty. i wish it was me instead, he deserved to live so much more than i do. i promised my friends i would stay alive but i just dont want to. a promise is a promise but im just struggling so much. in a platonic way i loved him so much with all my heart, we were making plans and were talkimg about the future just a few days before and now its all never going to happen. im going between numb and overwhelmed and i just wish more than anything i could bring him back. i hope wherever he is he is finally at peace but f this all hurts so bad