Asking for guidance :(

So umm .. I’ll just tell you everything

I'm 20 , male , former addict , dealing with anxiety and depression for something like 2 years .

I have major sleeping obsessions and I basically live my life around my anxiety. Doing everything to avoid panic attacks which lead me into depression and loneliness. I don’t go out , work , or even get out of bed if I don’t get enough sleep bc of a certain traumatic experience I had ..

one day I worked 2 shifts with no sleep and got my I think first panic attack .. it was horrible, felt like I was dying ..

and it got worse because of another traumatic experience I had with drugs ..

I feel like I’m living day by day with chains around my neck .. always heavy , sad inside , anxious and worry for almost no reasons usually.

In the past few weeks I’ve been feeling better because I have a certain schedule and habits that fit within my comfort zones .

I don’t want to be like that . I want to do things , I want to work out , have more fun with my friends , go on dates , hiking , travelling…

i know I’m young and my life is ahead .. but I’m feeling like I’m wasting my good youth years :(

soon I’m begging therapy but I don’t know ..

i don’t really want to be dependent on medication :(

im just asking for guidance.. thank you