Ciao!
I've browsed this site a couple of times in the past but recently joined. I'm not the best at communication which I suppose is how I got in this situation at work to begin with.
I work where I deal with financial information and I was trying to get the totals to add up. One of the leads got upset because I was taking too long with a report and I got dragged into the manager's office. I don't do well with conflict and I tried to explain what I was trying to do and they were trying to explain and another manager came in and put his two cents in and the situation started to get tense. I started to get panicky because my voice was starting to tremble so I knew that I had to remove myself from the situation right away and I apologized for everything and left before the conversation was finished.
The first manager sent me an email while I was trying to finish the report and again I apologized and said I was in the process of getting the report done. Fast forward to this week and I got called into the office again to be informed that I was written up for insubordination. I was disrespectful to management and I was unprofessional in my behavior and resentful with authority and I don't remember what else. I was told to accept whatever the leads said because they have had more experience in this field than I do which is true.
So now I'm on monitoring for the incident but the thing is unconditionally accepting whatever someone says is difficult when you don't understand why. Yes, the emails I get after the report is completed say "If you have any questions contact us" but that's only after the reports have been submitted and filed. It's like closing the barn door after the horse has escaped. It doesn't really do any good. And most of the time, it seems that the leads are more interested in making small talk or chatting with management than doing anything else. I have mentioned the amount of conversations that go on in the office and management claims they'll look at it and never do. But I get called out for my behavior which was reactionary the few times it has happened and the last time was something like five months ago.
I guess I feel like I'm not really an analyst like my job says but an information gathering machine--especially since the leads change the reports as they see fit. This job is something that can be done by artificial intelligence if the company starts thinking along those lines.
I want to look at courses for data or business analysis certifications and take advantage of the company's tuition reimbursement program. But that will take time. The question is, how should I deal with other situations at work while I try to achieve this? I've already learned not to have any opinion on what the leads tell me. I mean, management told me to accept what they say because they have more experience. I don't know, the entire situation feels like a Catch-22 but I don't want to rock the boat any more than I have. I want to leave the organization on good terms no matter how long it may take. I wish I could stay because the office is close to home but I don't see that it's a long-term position especially since the things I do like gathering data from various sources can easily be done with computers whenever the company decides to invest in such software.
Sorry for the length.
@Enthenia Hi! I hope you are doing well. I am really sorry about your experience with your management. Some bosses are awful. It sounds like they do what they want and don't take things seriously. I know you are thinking of leaving, but I want to remind you that maybe you shouldn't care what they think of you. They are just people and you deserve to be happy! Do what's best for you, always! I hope this helps and remember that we are always here for you!😊
@fruityPond7887
Thanks! Things have gotten slightly worse though. I did have a meeting with HR yesterday to explain sort of what happened that lead up to the incident. It was about an hour. I felt a little better about that because she seemed to actually listen--something that I didn't feel was happening with my managers.
But today, I had to sign a paper and then I looked at the allegations management made about me. Much of it was untrue or out of context or things that had happened months ago. Why bring up something over three months old that didn't appear to be an issue at that point in time? The person who suggested I talked to HR said it appeared that I was being unfairly targeted and encouraged me to send an email. Which I did. I highlighted points that were mentioned on the form then explained what happened, my reasoning for doing what I did, and when the event happened. Then I pointed out all that I have done in that department and the things I have done to benefit the company as a whole. I haven't had a response from HR yet but I did notice that one of my managers has been appearing in the front office at random times. Usually when I'm on my way back from the restroom and stop to talk to the receptionist. This was the one who was visibly shaken when I went to talk to HR yesterday (a fact that I learned today). I don't know if I'm seeing trouble where there is none but all I want to do is my job like I've always done. But, I also don't want to be punished for going to HR. I know there are rules against that but I also know that it does happen. I have seen it happen to others.
However, at this point in time, I'm really not prepared to do job hunting again (which in itself causes anxiety and stress). I guess all I can do is try to ride out the storm without letting it affect me too much. I mean, I haven't been given my papers. I'm currently in a holding pattern I guess.
@Enthenia I understand 110% honestly. I think riding it out for a little while is good and trying to not let it personally affect you is good, but I know it's hard. It's hard to work with people sometimes. You shouldn't be punished for going to HR if you have a problem. Advocating for yourself is very important and I'm proud of you! ❤️ Hang in there!
@fruityPond7887
Well it turned out that going to HR wasn't the best thing to do. It all boils down to the perception of my inability to work with others. I need to speak less yet be personable--something that's hard for me.
Every time I've tried to do small talk, it turns out rather badly. I really don't have many common interests with people and after numerous awkward moments, I've just learned not to bother.
I was told today by our director that I work hard; I just have to be better with criticism. It's difficult because I'm a bit of a perfectionist but at the same time, I don't think I'm really all that good at anything. But, since I'm being observed for another three weeks, I have to make an effort. Otherwise I shall no longer have a job. That wasn't exactly said, but that was what I inferred from her words.
@Enthenia I'm sorry that going to HR didn't result in the outcomes you hoped for. I understand that it can be hard to take criticism sometimes, especially from those higher up than us. I just try to remember to take it with a grain of salt and just do the best I can ❤️ That's all you can ask of yourself. Thinking of you and wishing you the best of luck!
@fruityPond7887
Thanks but now all I wish is that I had the sense to keep my mouth shut. At this point, anything I say could be seen as an excuse or I'm only responding because of this incident or a myriad of things.
Sometimes I think it's better for everyone if I were tucked away in a closet somewhere. At least then I wouldn't cause these things to happen. I caused friction without meaning to, got practically everyone in the company involved and made everyone's jobs more difficult, and generally made a nuisance of myself.
I've misread people before and misjudged their intentions and this time I made a right mess of things. The only way to salvage it is to just say hello to people, make sure I have everyone on emails, and do absolutely nothing else. Don't give them any sort of reason for another complaint. If I get trapped in a situation where I have to listen to someone talk about the weather or something, I'll have to limit the engagement.
I do try to listen actively and I've read the concepts of mindfulness and things like that but I guess it's just something I don't do well. Also, management's expectations seem contradictory. Be open but don't be open. Talk but don't really say anything. And if I do try to be more engaging then that means more people will come to talk to me when I need to get things done. I'm also not supposed to worry about what other people do like talk a lot (which they do). Usually I'm there with my headphones in. I just have had the misfortune of speaking of inopportune things and times, I guess.
So this is yet another incident where I've screwed up in reverse. However having what feels like the entire company (well maybe just everyone involved in my department) keeping track of what I do or say to draw a conclusion on whether I remain or not is new. I do feel responsible for putting all this extra work on them even though I've been told not to feel that way. However it's true. I am to blame for this entire incident and no matter what I do will make it go away. I need the job so I'm going to try an not make them even more upset but sometimes trying isn't even enough.