Do you ever feel this way?

I never found expressing my feelings an easy thing to do.Actually, it is very challenging and sometimes makes everything worse . And whenever I’m alone and getting emotional and sad , I pretend that I’m venting to someone and it keeps going on for hours until I get tired . It confuses me that I can’t talk to people about my feelings but also can’t ‘talk’ to myself instead I have to pretend that a third party is listening to me . Doesn’t anyone relate? And perhaps knows why?