Hello everyone
Hi everyone,
I don't really know what to say here. Let's start there then : You can call me Nath. I'm 26 and I'm from France.
I'm a single mother of a little girl. I lost my job recently and I have a big package of childhood trauma. I'm trying to feel better but recently I'm feeling... worse than ever. As Britney Spears says : Loneliness is killing me ! (Bad ref but I have better ones, I promise haha)
Anyway, my mood has been changing recently. I feel sad and angry without knowing why. So, I thought that maybe talking with people who understands this kind of feeling may be easier.
Now I don't know how to end this post !
Nice to meet you all ! (Good ending ?)
I understand feeling angry and depressed for a reason you aren't sure of or don't know why. What's Important is to give yourself credit for everything you are doing right. You are working hard to raise your daughter. You will get a new job and things will get a little more organized but do your best to remember you are worthy of respect and love. You are doing great!
@Tworaccoonsinatrenchcoat Thank you for your kind words 😊
Actually, I started feeling those emotions way before getting my previous job. I don't really know the reason. Maybe I'm too overwhelmed by my daily life and I can't get over my past. I don't have a lot of self confidence too.
I'll try to convince myself that I'm a worthy and respectful person !
@friendlyPond8808
Hi Pond! I get it.
I'm probably older than you, so instead of using Britney, my example to describe the feeling is Neil Diamond's Play Me- not the "romantic" portion of the lyric, of course, but the part that says ...as if I'd done someone wrong somewhere, but I don't know where; I don't know where, come lately... That part of the song goes through my mind whenever I wake up with that "down" feeling.
I am sorry you are feeling that way as I know it is very challenging and can be debilitating. Do you feel as if your physical and emotional processes are trying to "contact" your mental processes to tell them something is changing, or needs to be processed? How do you typically work through these episodes or feelings?
@beautifulPup4210 Hi !
I like your example ! I love Neil Diamond so that's a good one to sort of with 😂
Yeah, I think that's right. For example, I know I have eating disorders that flare up when my psychological state is not at its best. Or, I have no motivation to get out of bed for days on end. And, if I have to talk about emotional state, I would say I'm unstable. I can be sad at a moment, then angry five minutes later.
I'm the kind of person who, instead of crying, will laugh at my own problems. I'm a pro at self-deprecation. So, when these episodes/feelings wake up, I don't really do anything apart trying to find a funny side of this situation. It's maybe weird though (?). I just don't know how to work on it...
@friendlyPond8808
It's not weird at all. Many people, including myself use laughing at myself, or other kinds of humor for a coping mech. Is your eating impulse specific? By that I mean a certain way? From the time I was around 8 or 9, I over-ate to compensate for depression and/or feeling as if I couldn't fit in. When I was 63 (yes, that many years later, haha), my medical records declared that I was "morbidly obese" and I developed anorexia-completely went the other way! What feelings do you have at the time that your eating pattern changes?
We have a lot of life experiences in common. I was a single mom, and experienced the struggle of raising children without a partner. Rest assured, you are doing fine. When you do things to regain the feeling that you still have a life of your own in addition to being a mom/employee/caregiver, what feelings do you have? Do you feel as if the quickly changing moods could be situational? Sometimes grief is viewed generally as the passing of a loved one only, but in my experience, any loss ie a relationship, a residence change (moving), changing jobs, or even when my kids grew up and left me with the empty nest- I had to go through a grieving process. What sort of changes do you believe you could do to alleviate the emotions - I'm guessing of sadness or loss?
Have you ever seen the movie conjure with Sam elliott? It's an older Western, but probably one of the finest ones ever made. It is the story of a pioneer woman who is left with her two children at a cabin while her husband goes to purchase cattle however he has an unfortunate accident, his horse falls down a cliff and they both expire and so she is left alone not even knowing whatever happened to her husband and raising her children she ends up turning the cabin into a stage stop and that's how she makes a living, but she suffers from desperate loneliness. And so she writes poetry on bits of paper and rolls them up and attaches them to tumbleweeds and sets the tumbleweeds off in the wind. Unbeknownst to her a cowboy who is working, and defending against bad guys, at the neighboring cattle ranch has been finding her notes and reading them and understands her loneliness to a tee. It is a very very worthwhile movie to watch in my opinion. ð§¡
@beautifulPup4210 Actually yeah, my eating disorder is very specific. My doctor said it was anorexia and bulimia. For example, when I feel bad, I stop eating drastically. It can last weeks and even months. Last year, I lost 12kg in 2-3 months. Except that when I'm finally eating again after those periods, it's the opposite and I can't stop eating until I'm sick. I tried to get some help for that but it's complicated.
Yeah I can feel that we have a lot in common. And I'm very thankful for your support ! That's why I started to post on this forum. I wanted to find people that could understand what I feel.
I went through a lot, there have been many changes and loss in my life. I was adopted at 4, when I found my biological parents I started to forge a sort of link with them but my mother died in 2021 when I was pregnant. My adoptive family is not a bad one but my sister put us through ***. She was also adopted and, to handle her past, she chose violence (physical and psychological). My parents always focus on her and don't pay attention to me. Then I moved out in another country to take some distance but that's when I started to get some toxic relations. And my daughter's father being one of them. I moved out again near my family to raise my daughter. Except I can't keep a job more than 4 to 8 months and my family still put my sister on the top of their priorities. And now here I am ! I think changes are frightening. But how I can change to get better.
I didn't watch this movie but I will ! It seems very interesting ! Thank you !
@friendlyPond8808
Hi Nath,
Greetings from France too 😊
You seem to go through a hard time with the loss of your job. A lot of people would feel overwhelmed in this situation. A loss of revenue also comes with increased mental load. Were you able to identify the source of the degradation of your mood? Are you worried about the future maybe?
@leamon Hi 😊
Actually I think the loss of my previous job is not the main reason of the degradation of my mood. I know that I'm worried about my futur because I don't really know what to do with my life. I didn't have the choice to give up on dreams I had when I was in University. With my daughter around, I have to set limits, whether in terms of my career or my personal life. For example, I've always wanted to travel and get away from France. But it's impossible (at least for the time being) to dream of that. I love my daughter more than anything else in the world, and even though I'm raising her alone, I'm happy to have her with me. However, I don't feel like I'm living for myself anymore. And I've felt that way for quite some time now.
@friendlyPond8808
That sounds really tough, and it makes so much sense that you’re feeling this way. I am in a very similar situation actually so I can relate. It must be hard to carry so much responsibility while feeling like your own dreams are slipping away. Do you think part of what’s weighing on you is the feeling of being stuck in the same routine?
You mention that you love your daughter more than anything, but that you don’t feel like you’re living for yourself anymore. What would living for yourself look like, even in small ways? Are there things that used to make you feel fulfilled that you’ve had to set aside? And is there any way, even in a small or different form, that you could bring a bit of that back?
Right now, some things might feel out of reach, but do you think this phase of life will always be like this? If things changed in the future, what would you hope to rediscover?
You’re doing something really hard, but I think that you are a bit losing sight from the fact that you cannot provide for your daughter if you are feeling bad about yourself. Is there a way to make space for both of you in this complex equation?
Do mind that you can talk to me here or privately by messaging me. I can also switch to French if you like.
@leamon That's a lot of questions I don't think I have all the answers right now 😅 But I'll give it a try !
Maybe the routine part is weighting on me, that's true. And my daughter is not really what we called an "easy kid" so it's very difficult to handle everything alone. I'm doing my best for her tho.
When I think about doing things for myself, I would like to play some music again or going out more (even if it's only doing a walk by myself). I don't really know what I want to do but I know what I liked to do before. For example, I love learning new languages. But now I don't have any more motivation (or time) for this. My state of mind is not very cooperative.
The next question is most difficult one since I don't know what I hope to rediscover if things changed... I'm totally lost.
Unfortunately, I can't make space between my daughter and I. I don't have any help for that. And I will feel guilty to take some distance from her.
I would like to talk with you more on this situation in private but I don't know to reach you either way... Et si tu parles français, bien sûr ! Ce sera plus simple pour discuter haha
@friendlyPond8808
Bonsoir Nath,
Merci pour ta réponse. Je suis écoutant sur ce site, et normalement, tu peux cliquer sur mon avatar à côté de mon nom. Sur mon profil, il y a un bouton qui te permet de m’envoyer un message en privé.
J’ai pris le temps de lire attentivement ce que tu as écrit, ici et ailleurs, et je tiens à te dire que je ressens à quel point tu es lucide sur ta situation. On perçoit toute la réflexion que tu as déjà menée et les efforts que tu as déployés pour trouver une issue, même si, pour l’instant, tu as l’impression de tourner en rond. Si je résume ce que tu partages, tu consacres toute ton énergie à ta fille, sans parvenir à t’accorder du temps pour toi, et tu n’as malheureusement pas de soutien de ton entourage, qu’il s’agisse de ta famille ou d’amis. Ta situation professionnelle instable n’aide sans doute pas non plus à créer du lien avec tes collègues, ce qui te laisse avec un profond sentiment d’isolement et d’épuisement.
Comme tu le sais, les écoutants sur ce site ne sont pas là pour donner des conseils, et je ne connais pas ta situation dans toute sa complexité. Mais si tu le veux bien, j’aimerais reformuler certains éléments et poser des questions sous un autre angle, dans l’espoir que cela puisse t’aider à avancer.
Dans mon précédent message, j’ai peut-être mal exprimé mon idée, et je m’en excuse. Je voulais faire référence à la règle du masque à oxygène dans les avions : en cas de problème, les parents doivent d’abord mettre leur propre masque avant d’aider leur enfant. L’idée est simple : si tu n’arrives plus à respirer, tu ne pourras plus soutenir ta fille comme tu le souhaites. Prendre soin de toi ne serait donc pas un luxe, mais une manière essentielle d’être présente pour elle sur le long terme. Tu me sembles être quelqu’un d’empathique, qui encourage sans doute les autres à prendre soin d’eux... alors si tu te retrouvais face à toi-même, quel conseil te donnerais-tu ?
Par ailleurs, tu dis que même si tu voulais prendre du temps pour toi, tu n’en as pas la possibilité faute de soutien. C’est une difficulté bien réelle, et je comprends à quel point cela peut être pesant. Pourtant, à travers tes écrits, j’ai l’impression que tu as tendance à te mettre en retrait, à minimiser tes propres souffrances en pensant que d’autres sont dans des situations encore plus compliquées. Mais exprimer ce que tu ressens, comme tu le fais ici, est une démarche précieuse. De nombreuses études ont montré que partager ses difficultés renforce les liens et permet d’avancer ensemble. L’effet Benjamin Franklin illustre bien cela. Penses-tu que certaines personnes dans ton entourage pourraient devenir des alliés, ou est-ce que tu as du mal à rencontrer de nouvelles personnes ?
Tu mentionnes aussi des difficultés à garder un emploi sur la durée. Penses-tu que trouver plus de stabilité sur le plan professionnel pourrait t’apporter un certain équilibre ?
J’espère que ces quelques mots pourront t’apporter un éclairage, et je reste disponible si tu en ressens le besoin.
Hello,
Ah je ne savais pas comment tout ceci fonctionne mais merci pour l'astuce ! Je t'enverrais un message après avoir répondu à celui-là.
C'est plutôt bien résumé. Je dirais que je n'ai pas l'entourage adéquat pour discuter de ce genre de problème. Et ma famille n'est d'aucune aide. Ma situation professionnelle est clairement au plus bas et j'ai des soucis de santé assez important. Je suis juste fatiguée de tout ça.
J'avais mal compris mais je vois l'idée du masque à oxygène. Pour répondre à ta question, je ne sais pas vraiment quel conseil je me donnerais... Peut être de prendre plus de temps pour moi et me forcer à prendre l'air. De ne pas rester enfermée dans un appartement sans voir personne. Sinon la situation risque d'empirer. Mais même si je sais plus ou moins ce qu'il faut que je fasse, je finis par abandonner l'idée de le faire pour faute de motivation (ou peur des interactions sociales sûrement).
J'aimerais bien avoir des "alliés" dans mon entourage qui m'aident à traverser ce genre de période. J'ai une amie qui essaye d'être présente comme elle peut. Mais en dehors d'elle, je n'ai personne. Et, comme je l'ai dis juste au-dessus, j'ai un peu de mal avec les interactions sociales. Je me force très souvent à aller vers les autres mais ça me fait une sacré trouille en général !
Concernant le plan professionnel, j'essaye de chercher un emploi définitif mais c'est compliqué de trouver en ce moment. J'ai certaines contraintes dû à ma fille. Je ne peux malheureusement pas accepter tout et n'importe quoi. Et même si un métier me plaît, je suis souvent obligée de laisser tomber parce que je ne peux pas combiner le job + ma fille.
Merci beaucoup pour le temps que tu prends pour me répondre 🙂
@friendlyPond8808 i am a normal person , yet maybe i can help , u can leave a message or respond , i don't know if u have a way to contact me , i may , i may have the ability to help, or u can go on Support room , maybe am there , just tell me a way to talk to me, and when am available i will try my best to hear u, overall something to say , these feelings are okay , and when u don't know why , it may reflects deeper things(not trying to be dark ,it is usual) about urself and ur inner world, soo , these feelings maybe the conclusion of a whole paragraph that , we can't just pinpoint , u know , that's why i agree with u , wanting to talk to people who may understand , cuz they may get u , on the paragraph , hope u understood me.
@Radjae0laila Hi 😊
Thank you for your kindness !
I did understand you and I know you're right ! I need to say it out loud to understand the deeper things about my mental state. I don't really have a way to contact you though but I find one, I won't hesitate to get in touch with you !
@friendlyPond8808 sure u have all the right , it is freeing, i ask Allah(the lord i believe in) to free u , ease u , and give u a fulfilling life , i ask him to be with u through all u're in . take care of urself , and am always here to my best.
@Radjae0laila tho Alhamdulillah i do believe in Allah.
@Radjae0laila to do my best* haha
Coucou Nath. That is really tough to be a single mom, lose your job, and have childhood trauma. That’s a really tough combination for anyone to have. I’m so sorry you are going through all of this. You said you feel sad and angry and don’t know why - but I think you just told us why. I think you know more than you think you do. It’s so hard, but I promise you are not alone. When I am feeling really depressed I try to hold onto the feeling of being lucky. A lot of things suck but what makes you feel lucky? Your little girl? For me it’s my cat haha she is the best cat and I am so lucky to have her. Gratitude can be hard to feel sometimes but it is a wonderful thing to hold onto. You’re doing amazing! ❤️
@fivesixseven8 Coucou 😊
Thank you for your words, it's touching !
Yeah, I'm not a very lucky person. And, sometimes I know I have the right to be angry or sad about all this situation. But the further I go the more it eats me up inside. Now, I realize that I'm even more alone than I think I am. My family is not really good at listening and I don't have friends that can help me through that too. That's why I ended up here 😅 I'm glad I did it though !
I know I'm very lucky to have my little girl. And I have a cat too (cute but very clumsy haha). That's why I'm feeling a little bit stupid and selfish to think about me being unhappy right now. But there are so many ups and downs (more downs than ups), that I'm feeling overwhelmed by everything around me.
I thank you a lot for your positive words ❤️
@friendlyPond8808 hey im sorry to hear that and ik im only a 14 year old but I still want ti be able to talk to and help someone who feels bad or sad or really any way
Hi ! Thank you for your message!
You're still very young but I can see you have a good maturity since you want to be useful for the others. That's a great quality! And I'm happy you sent me those words ☺️
@friendlyPond8808
Hey there! Welcome to 7 cups. First I'm proud of you for taking care of your daughter & reaching out for help. I hope you find the support you deserve and people who understands you. And I hope everything gets better soon🌱
Hi hear you, your not alone<3
Hi,
Thank you for the welcome message! I hope I'll find the support I'm looking for too ! I already can tell that there are many people who are incredibly helpful here !
I'm looking forward to get more tchat with listeners on this platform !