How to find friends
Hey yall I am a 13 year old boy who just got left behind by his Best friends in school becuse from what city I am so when they left me I had no one to talk to do something And now its summer break And the only thing I do is go outside (solo) play games And thats all And like I feel my mama is trying to get me to call that one last friend And now I feel like I white incel who is a loser I dont wanna end up like that pls help
@Lucas122 If they all choose to abandon you, then why do you still think about them? There are so many people in the world, how could there not be one person who wants to be your friend? There is no need to feel sad or depressed because of unfaithful people. A new environment is very difficult for you. I think you should adapt to the environment first, try to find your own hobbies, and find new friends in your hobbies.
Its hard to not look behind cus
1 they were my best friends
2 they were in my class I know its summer but then they were calling me by names making fun of me
3 I wanna like play basketball but I dunnmo if they accept me or even if somebody wants to be my friend
@Lucas122 Yes, I know, it's hard. They are the ones who betrayed and hurt you, right? Why do you miss them? Don't say one of them is your best friend, even if she is your wife and betrayed you, you should move on and not be defeated by these people. It is very difficult to make new friends. I think you have to take your time. No one will suddenly come to you and say: Hey, be my friend. First of all, you have to make yourself interesting, or become a cool kid. Then everyone will think you are very interesting. You can try different sports.
Hi @Lucas122,
It sounds like you are going through some tough times right now. At your age particularly, things often seem way harder because they are new experiences and you have to navigate them for the first time. But you are not alone in the issues you’re experiencing. People will lose many friends due to many different reasons over their lifetime, but once you have been through it and come out the other side, it won’t seem so scary the next time around.
Making friends as an adult is quite a tricky thing, but up until you leave school at 18 (or college at 22ish), you will pretty much be forced into situations that are designed to help you meet people and make friends. There is a theory about making new friends that I tell to adults who are feeling lonely: to make friends you need Proximity (being physically close to people) and Consistency (being there often). With these two things, you will naturally make new connections, some of which will eventually end up as close friends. At 13, you are constantly put into situations where you have these two things (think school, clubs, sports teams, hobbies, etc.), and if you aren’t choosing to go into these situations, your parents will likely make you go.
Now whilst all these situations will result in new connections, the chances of the connections becoming friends increase a lot if those connections have two more things: Similarity (things you share and enjoy) and Complimentary (things that make you different from each other that you both enjoy). In order to meet more connections that have these two things, it’s often best to put yourself in situations that you would generally enjoy (the clubs and activities you actually like) as these will tend to attract other people who have similarities with you. This allows you to make quick connections with people, and over time you will find out who has complimentary differences from you. So rather than being forced into situations where you meet people, choosing the right situation to begin with can make making friends a whole lot smoother.
I know it can be really daunting putting yourself in social situations where you might not know anybody, but the more you do it, the less scary it gets, and the quicker you meet a lot of people, some of which will almost inevitably end up being friends.
I would also recommend not trying to change yourself necessarily. Unless you know you have something that forces people away and that may be an issue with forming close relationships in the long run (if you get really angry a lot, or you get into lots of violent fights, or something along those lines that might be helped by seeing a mental health professional (they know their stuff)), it’s best to just be yourself, because there are about 8 Billion people in the world (that's Billion with a B, that is a ridiculously large number of people like you can’t even imagine), so no matter who you are or what you’re like, there will be a LOT of people who will like you for you (like really, a lot, there’s SO. MANY. PEOPLE in the world…).
You just have to go find them!
Stay positive, you’ve got this.
Mike
If you need someone to talk am here ok
@Lucas122 Losing friends is so hard and it can be pretty awful. Remember it’s fully okay and valid to be grieving those friendships, but you can’t dwell on them forever or it will only feel more painful
It must have been very painful to lose your best friends. Your feelings are valid. Grieving is a part of the process but if you are ready to find new friends, I am happy for you. When you are back in school, it's easier to mingle and initiate activities with potential friends in school.
However if it's still summer break, you can do a lot more fun things. What's on your bucket list? Going on a vacation. Maybe somewhere still in your city but you haven't been before. Maybe just chilling and having free time and not feel the need to endure peer pressure. If you have other good reasons to be occupied (even busy relaxing counts), hopefully your mom will stop bothering you. It could be that she just wants you to be happy or does your mom expect you to have friends?
