Looking for help

Good day everyone! I'm happy to be here.

I took this little space to vent. Lately my life hasn't been going well at all. I'm a very shy and introverted young girl who has always tried to make her dreams come true and make my family proud of me, and I felt like I had succeeded. I spent my childhood struggling with loneliness, poverty, criticism and a great lack of affection, but I managed to resist and always find the strength to continue smiling and dreaming.

At least until the university and the world as an adult decided not to be kind to me. After sacrificing my adolescence to study with excellent results, I wasn't admitted to university. And this destroyed me psychologically, also because things in my family aren't going well for me.

I started having panic attacks and self-esteem problems, but the worst was when I received the communication that the university had given me a place, but very far from home, in a private university with very high fees and no scholarship. My parents insisted so much that I accept, even though it would be very difficult for us financially, but above all emotionally for me it would be crazy to handle that situation. As soon as I went to look for a room to rent, I realized that financially and mentally there was no hope for me to graduate and so I went back home, but I only received insults and criticism. I explained that I wanted to take a gap year and try again next year, no one listened to me or gave me advice, only insults. After a few days I had a nervous breakdown that destroyed me, I only wanted support and affection, and instead I stayed on a bed, alone and scared. Every time I cried, they yelled at me to stop making a fuss and that I had nothing, just a whim. I have no one to talk to without them telling me to shut up and not bother. This is the last week in which I can choose to take a gap year, and I really feel terrible. I just want someone to talk to often, to feel less alone and useless.