My Experience with a Nervous Breakdown.

While bullying in school, and having a hard time with my learning disability made feel awful.  I am not 100 percent sure that is what caused my nervous breakdown.

My entire life, I have been scared of throwing up in public.  I think the reason why I had that fear is because I have had IBS and stomach problems my entire life.  While other people enjoyed eating food, I didn't.  Because I often times didn't feel well in my stomach after eating.  My Dad always told me it is all in my head, and I shouldn't worry about it.  The more I tried to not worry the more I worried.

Throughout my years of going to school, I felt under pressure.  And that pressure added to my fear of puking.  You probably know how it is, if something embarrassing happens to you, you can often times feel something wrong in the pit of your stomach.

When I did have my nervous break down.  I had gone through years and years of anxiety and fear at school.  Now I'm out of school, volunteering at a Church, and I thought there was a girl there that might kinda like me.  I even made her a card, that she seemed to really like.  I had the stomach issue on my mind, I had her on my mind, and my Dad was pushing me to get a job.  Since I was already having anxiety issues, it was just a matter of time before I went over.  Also another issue that was going on my head was a Bible verse that said, 

Philippians 4:6-8 

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

I felt like a bad Christian who wasn't leaning enough on Jesus.  The more i tried to follow that scripture the more anxious I felt.  I was even trying to say things like "This a good day to someone that I could tell wasn't enjoying life at work at all"

Here is what happened to me an jobs.

When I was in School, I didn't know what to do with my life.  I was scared of getting out and not being able to handle things.  Since I had some interest in electronics, I took two years of it at Vocational School.  I could write a whole post about what went on there!  Anyways, my former teacher helped put me in contact with a place that made circuit boards.  He often would get students of his to work there.

I kinda liked my job, but smelling solder all the time, probably wasn't going to be good for my health.  After four weeks, the owner called me in and told me that I did a good job, and that I'm an artist but I'm too slow for them.  They let me go.

The next place I worked for was a Recreational Vehicle factory. I was able to get in there with the help of someone at my Church.  I was a parts packer.  I packed replacement parts.  There was four of us, and we were not on an assembly line.  As a collective we were supposed to put out a 100 packages a day.  As far as I know we made that quota.  However I was the slowest one of the group, so I got called in.  Same guy who helped me get in the factory, told me that if I didn't get my speed up in a day or two I was gone.  My dad advised me that I should just quit.

It was during the time I was working at the Recreational Vehicle place that I began to realize that I was nervous all the time.  Normally I would wake up in the morning nervous but as the day went on my nerves would settle.  But during those 4 weeks at the Recreational Vehicle place they would not settle at all.

I continued to have problems at home.  The nerves and the bad thoughts of throwing up turned into a cycle that I couldn't break.  I said to my Mom and Dad that I think I better get to a doctor.  I think I caught something.  I said, normally when I get nervous it would subside after a few hours.  This has been days and it won't stop.  My skin feels like it is crawling, I'm throwing up, and I'm shaking.

It was a on Sunday, and my Dad had gone to Church.  Mom decided to stay home with me, and I tried to go outside and sit in lawn chair.  Hoping that the sun on my back would calm me.  Sometimes Mom would try gently rubbing my back to make feel better.  Yet I couldn't calm down.  Finally she drove me to the clinic.  They kept one doctor in there for emergencies.  He was an old man who probably should of been retired.  Anyways, He took me in and checked me out.  Then He said, your starting to having a nervous breakdown.  He gave me something to calm my stomach and to calm my nerves, then told me to go home and think on good things.  It took me an entire month to get back to what had been "normal" for me.

I got off those pills, but a few years later, a psychiatrist re prescribed the nervous pill for me.  I stayed on that pill until 2011.  In 2011 I was having lots of trouble with my IBS issues, and thought maybe that pill might be part of it.  Also my regular doctor kept telling me that he didn't think I needed that pill.  It was a very low dosage.  So I quit and haven't been on it since.  I still have times of anxiety, and maybe if things in my life got hard enough, I might need it.  But it has been years and years and years since I got so nervous that I couldn't handle it.