No hope left
Life is at an end. In the 39 years I have lived, the best advice I could ever give to anyone is don’t pursue your passions. I have absolutely ruined my life by wanting to become an audio engineer. In doing so, I have closed every single door I could have had open to a better life and now I am looking at being phased out by automation. There is no starting over either because there is no telling that I won’t just find myself in the same position I am currently in again 10 years down the road when I am even older.
I wasted my life working in radio where I would spend my work days producing ads, and believe me, I tried to upskill and learn new things pertaining to my industry, but I would soon get derailed by either my chaotic environment or I would just bounce around from one thing to the next with no clear focus. Years passed me by and now I am at this juncture with nothing to show for my time, very little prospects and no hope for any kind of life that would be worth living.
Every waking moment of my life I am constantly reminded of my failings and how much I hate myself for allowing life to get this terrible and for being too burnt out and weak to pull myself out of this mess. I don’t even want to try anymore, after 10 years of attempting to move forward with just about anything in my line of work or something adjacent - I have no faith in my ability to see anything through.
I am exhausted and I just want to sleep forever at this point. I don’t even know why I am posting this here, is it a cry for help? Or is it just to leave something out in the world after I am gone? All of the above? None of the above? I really truly don’t know. Maybe it is just something to be a warm up as I work on my note to my family and colleagues and head over to a certain bridge in my city and see if I have what it takes.
I take full blame for everything that went wrong, but I cannot fix it at this point. Like I said , I am too weak and exhausted. If I manage to end it, I hope there is no reincarnation or afterlife, I just want a void of non existence.
In the grand symphony of life, it's not uncommon to find ourselves in moments of profound despair, as if the music has taken an agonizing turn. It's essential to recognize that these dark notes, these shadows, are as integral to the melody as the moments of light and joy. Life isn't a lineup; it's a dance of contrasts, a profound voyage with happy highs and lousy lows. I hope you'll stick around and find the support you need to move forward.
@EmptyPlatitudes It sounds like you are facing so much frustration with your life.
