Vers un nouveau départ | Towards a New Beginning
Bonjour,
Je me suis inscrite sur ce site parce que ma vie actuelle est très dure à supporter.
Je vis une relation particulière et toxique avec un cousin plus âgé que moi. Je le vois chaque week-end et me force à dire "oui" parce que je n'arrive pas à lui dire "non". Il est alcoolique et me fait peur (je l'ai déjà vu être violent, même si il ne l'a jamais été avec moi).
J'attends, depuis presque deux ans, un logement dans une autre ville pour m'éloigner de lui. Depuis quelques semaines, j'ai commencé à raconter mon histoire à plusieurs personnes, mais comme j'ai mon propre appartement (et même si il en a les clés), je ne suis pas considéré en "danger immédiat" et donc, je ne peux bénéficier d'aucune aide pour m'éloigner de lui. On me dit "d'être patiente", mais personne ne sait ce que ça fait de se forcer à faire quelque chose par peur de l'autre.
Merci d'avoir prit le temps de lire ces quelques lignes.
Bonne journée à tous.
English Translation
Hello,
I joined this site because my current life is very difficult to bear.
I am involved in a peculiar and toxic relationship with a cousin who is older than me. I see him every weekend and force myself to say "yes" because I simply cannot bring myself to say "no" to him. He is an alcoholic and scares me (I have seen him act violently before, even though he has never been violent toward me personally).
For nearly two years now, I have been waiting for housing in another city so that I can get away from him. Over the past few weeks, I have started opening up and sharing my story with several people; however—since I have my own apartment (even though he possesses a set of keys)—I am not considered to be in "immediate danger," and therefore, I am unable to access any assistance to help me get away from him. I am told to "be patient," but no one truly understands what it feels like to be forced to do something out of fear of another person.
Thank you for taking the time to read these few lines.
Have a good day, everyone.
@Epida
КӀиго сон цӀакъ халатаб заман ккола лъидасаго хӀинкъун гӀумру гьабизе. Нужеда кин кколеб, гьесда гьечӀин абуни, щиб ккезе бегьулеб?
Дун вохарав вуго дуца дурго ахӀвал-хӀалалъул хӀакъалъулъ цогидазе бицине байбихьиялдаса. Дуца бицунев чияс кумек гьабизе бегьула дур ахӀвал-хӀал хисизабизе нух балагьизе.
Дур квартираялда ругел замкал хисизарулел ругищ ва вариант?
Гьесдаса мун хӀинкъулев вукӀин кьучӀаб инстинкт батила. Цебеккунго лъаларев алкоголик унго-унголъунги хӀинкъизавулев вуго.
Дир хӀалбихьизе букӀана дуда «сабру гьабеян» абурав чиясда гьикъизе, «кидалъагӀан дица сабруялда хӀинкъиялда гӀумру гьабизе кколеб?»
Цо заманалъ цогидав чиясда цадахъ чӀей ва вариантищ?
Цогидазда бихьарабищ гьев зулму гьабулев? Гьедин батани, разилъизе бегьулищ гьел дуе кумек гьабизе кӀолел чагӀазда кӀалъазе?
Хьул кола цӀакъ хехго нужее лъикӀлъизе букӀиналда.
English translation
Two years is a very long time to live in fear of someone. What do you think might happen if he says no?
I’m glad you’ve started telling others about your situation. The person you tell can help you find a way to change your situation.
Are changing the locks on your apartment and option?
It’s probably a valid instinct that you’re afraid of him. An unpredictable alcoholic is truly terrifying.
My temptation would be to ask the person who told you to “be patient,” “how long must I patiently live in fear?”
Is staying with someone else for a while and option?
Did others see him being violent? If so, might they be willing to speak to those who can help you?
I hope you feel better very soon.
@Epida Salut Epida,
J'ai lu ton message et également ton profil.
Ton histoire me rappelle beaucoup de choses. Je connais assez bien ce genre de situation malheureusement. Ça arrive plus qu'on ne le pense.
Si tu es déjà allée en thérapie, tu as a probablement été jugée. Probablement qu'une intervenante s'expliquerait mal ton comportement, mais pour moi, il fait beaucoup de sens. Il n'y a rien que tu as fait ou de la façon que tu as réagi qui est hors de sens. Que tu n'aies pas été crue, par exemple, est quelque chose qui arrive souvent. De renouer avec l'abuseur est également un élément qui revient souvien, hélas.
Je suis disponible pour t'écouter davantage si tu veux en parler. Tu es encore jeune et tu as beaucoup de temps devant toi. Je t'encouragerais à trouver une personne digne de confiance spécialisée dans ce genre de situation.
Bonne chance, car cela n'est pas facile. Ne lâche pas.
English translation
Hi Epida,
I’ve read your message as well as your profile.
Your story reminds me of so many things. Unfortunately, I know this kind of situation quite well. It happens more often than people think.
If you’ve already been to therapy, you were likely judged. A counselor might have struggled to make sense of your behavior, but to me, it makes perfect sense. There is nothing you did—or any way you reacted—that was illogical. The fact that you weren't believed, for instance, is something that happens often. Reconnecting with the abuser is also a recurring pattern—alas.
I’m here to listen further if you’d like to talk about it. You are still young and have a whole lifetime ahead of you. I would encourage you to find a trustworthy professional who specializes in situations like this.
Good luck—it isn't easy. Don't give up.
@Epida
Salut n'hésite pas à me contacter si tu veux jaser un peu.
Ton histoire m'a vraiment touché.
