What are the emotions/shame triggers behind fear of success?
I'm pretty sure that a lot of my lack of motivation is driven by a fear of success. I'm trying to figure out where that comes from and how it shows up so I can start to resolve what's behind it. Moment by moment strategies like productivity aren't working.
@NearOsaka
Hello there NearOsaka!
That's an interesting thought you are having: trying to understand what's behind your fear in order to cope with it at best!
I wonder if the fear of success has something to do with fear of ''commitment'' ?
Could it be fear of losing something you want to achieve so, once achieved, you'd feel the anxiety of losing it?
What if there are negative aspects of being successful you dislike, maybe they block you?
You know yourself better so you can see if any of the above makes sense or not, wishing more people to join helping you to reflect about it 🌸
Best wishes!
@NearOsaka Hey there! It's completely normal to experience fear of success, and you're not alone in feeling this way. I've also been grappling with a fear of success, and in my case, I believe it stems from impostor syndrome.
@Lilishere @MeaningfulSilence
Thanks for the thoughts!
For me ... I think it's a fear of not being good enough. My father insisted on academic excellence, which tired me out over time. Once I entered the workforce a few jobs rejected my enthusiasm and basically told me it was OK to work at only a fraction of my potential. I took a long break after quitting my last job, and now it's really hard to motivate myself to start two businesses that I'm working on. They will both create a lot of responsibility to my customers and I'm worried about not fulfilling that. So that's a fear of failure.
But I think there's also some kind of aversion to success that's preventing me from being energized by motivation...
@NearOsaka I think I can attest to going through something really similar and having similar feelings.
Sounds like we both...
- started out being pushed really hard towards excellence
- hit an environment which actually rejected that(!!!) :(
- took a break
- now have an environment where "trying" is welcome again (and even necessary), and things are happening more on our own terms than they did during (1.)
and we both ended up feeling afraid of success, or just unable to engage in the same way as in the beginning.
Reading your post and typing this comment helped me realize that at least for me, I'm afraid to go through the same frustrating, exhausting cycle of working so hard and having some degree of success (1.), only to have it fall through again (2.). The feeling of having and losing control was also a lot for me at least -- it feels like (2.) almost invalidates (1.) somehow, since things "turned out poorly" at the end of the day.
But that said, it's not the end of the day. Or maybe it's just a new day. I don't know.
All I know is that @NearOsaka you deserve to feel engaged and energized by your daily work, I'm glad that you have the opportunity to start fresh again with your new businesses, and I hope that everything works out. It's definitely a shame that you weren't in an environment where you were free to do your best work, and I'm glad that you have a change of scenery.
This post gave me the idea to try setting personal boundaries and "safety rails" ahead of time for my own wellbeing, so I can feel free to pursue my passions without risking the same burnout or disappointment like I experienced before. I'm going to try to keep separate times for work vs. play so I can recharge and stay grounded, and not be too hard on myself if I "don't get enough done" one day. Tomorrow is a new day :)
@NearOsaka idk if something similar would be helpful for you, but I hope that you find the peace that you've been looking for. Best of luck with your businesses and personal growth <3
@NearOsaka I believe that my lack of motivation are caused by a combination of two things: 1. overthinking and fear of rejection/bad review. I have the bad habit of overthinking things. Most people make choices then adapt their lives to those choices. For example, changing your sleep time to adjust for traffic in the morning. My mind creates scenarios- what if there is an emergency? Will I be able to take time off this job to deal with it? What if the kids get sick and I have to take them to the doctor? I suppose that this way of thinking falls under anxiety, but I'm not sure. My second fear is of rejection/ bad review. I suffer from low self-esteem because I have been told so many times that I'm not good enough, I don't have a personality, I'm not pretty, I should do something else (another profession). Why should I try something new if all I will get is negativity back?
@NearOsaka I think it's about the fear of the unknown. We are very get very attached to the comfort zone we are in and like suffer in misery just because it's familiar. I have been facing quite recently but at the same time, I feel I have made no major changes in my own life.
