dating when you hit elder twenties sucks
I've hit that age where most ppl I know are either in a long term relationship, engaged or married. I havent dated in 7-8 yrs but I really want to find love and get married one day. I took a long hiatus from my last relationship which was in 2016. ive been putting myself out there for a year now, friends/family dating apps, etc etc but I keep meeting guys who are toxic AF/ looking for a quick hookup/ casual/ meaningless convos/ full of red flags etc etc. its honestly starting to feel downright impossible. I want to scream into my pillow somedays. Where are all the good men, where u guys hiding you guys def exist but why is it the dating pool has become so freaking horrible these days? terrified of divorce dont wanna rush into things and get divorced and wake up one day hating my spouse/have them cheat on me but its been really horrible dealing with loneliness and lack of physical/emotional intimacy for so many yrs. how can I possibly stay fulfilled and happy and at peace what can I do?
@determinedCup7520 Hiya! I hope you're doing well. I am really sorry to hear that you are having difficulty with dating. I know how hard it must be to find someone that you really click with. Dating apps are good, but I know they can be annoying to use too because many people are just looking for a hookup. Is there anyone at work that you are interested in? Or maybe one of your friends could set you up with someone they know? I know it's a tough time, but the right person will come along when you least expect it. In the meantime, have so much fun with your friends and take care of yourself! 😊 You will get through this! ❤️
@determinedCup7520
I understand your pain as a newly (the last 6 months) single middle age momma to a toddler the dating pool is quite small. I find most men aren't in it for a relationship but for something casual. I can't speak from the ladies side since that isn't what I'm after.
@determinedCup7520 Honey, the best advice I can give you is just try to look for red flags, never forget your worth, and make sure that the person you're talking to is on the same page with you, before you decide to open up to him. And most of all, never give up on love. I did once, and it did me no good but instead lots of harm.
@determinedCup7520
I have literally no advice to offer, I have had 2 long term relationships, my high school and college sweetheart (I married the college one 16 years ago when we were 19 and 20). My high school bf is one of my best friends and we dated for 3 years.
I wouldn't even know how to date now, conversations with supposedly professional individuals (nurses, apartment manager, the staff at the MVA) is hard enough because they use their phones while half listening, dating would be a nightmare. I'm sorry, good luck, though. I truly believe that there's someone out there for everyone, whether we're lucky enough to find them is another thing.
@determinedCup7520
Well, at someone nearing their elder 30's I can tell you that one can get pretty creative with chocolate - right now I'm right partying in the mornings with nutella in my coffee, whipped cream and dark chocolate chunks on top.
Another thing is I'm making little lists in my head recently of all the things I love about being single, independent and financially set. Here's some I came up with today:
1. I can do what I want
2. No one is eating my food
3. The whole bed is mine
4. When I clean it stays clean
5. I'm on my schedule only
6. All finances go where I want
My forays onto the world of online dating so far has been ridiculous, as I expected; hardly worth anyone's time unless they learn to crack the code and find the right app or site.
I'd say check out the TED talk on the woman who found a way to filter out all red flags and nonsense online dating to receive 400 proposals and met the love of her life in three months or something.
In fact I'm going to rewatch that.
Other than that the only advice I can give is find a girl gang. A good one. They'll filter out the muck and be your ride or die. Even if you're the one who messed up everything they will take your side and have your back for life. Without them it will be ten times harder.
So explore your interests and hobbies, go nice places that don't cost much like to Art Gallery events - often they seek volunteers as well which enables free entry and passes to festivals. An auction with live music and all the amazing food and drinks you wanted was BY DONATION and you best believe I paid $5 with no shame.
Well, maybe a little shame. And that's why you gotta work on yourself too! Maybe there's a woman in town you admire who you could talk to - I ended chatting to a couple business owners in town as that's what I want to do (Run my own business.) just browsing their shop or accessing their services whether it's getting my moustache waxed or clinical hypnotherapy.
The point is to start cultivating inspiration instead of looking for it - becoming such a *** magnet for goodness that eventually, right when you least expect it, 💥 BOOM 💥 there they'll be!
IN THE MEANWHILE, chocolate, plants and rom coms will do...and level UP, none of this 'I can't do it, it's too hard'. If you must have a pity party set a timer for five minutes and get it all out with a boohoo or sad song or rant in a journal or someone trustworthy.
If nothing is working consider a counsellor or trained listener on a helpline, just whatever you do, don't give up. Fight! Keep seeking YOUR BEST SELF because ultimately THAT is what will bring you and attract what you deserve, not moping around wondering why they don't fall through your ceiling into your lap, golden retriever in tow.
Mkay. I gotta go. I typed all this on my freakin phone with my thumbs and my shoulder is about to explode.
YOU CAN DO IT!
Also queen if you end up alone HYPE THAT UP! You're gonna be surrounded by amazing people, places and things no matter what but most of all be around the most important person of your entire life...YOU. If you're really struggling with your thoughts and beliefs check out people like Louise Hay and Byron Katie, and self-care yourself into a stupor every day, okay?
alright now both shoulders and both arms are about to explode I gotta go
