confused

this will be lengthy sorry. 14 years ago I fell in love quickly and shortly after we were dating I got pregnant. we were together about 3 years but I finally had to end it because he could not stay clean and sober and he would get violent. after about the third time of drunken rage, go to treatment, get back together, good for awhile then back to drunken rage, I had him leave for good. he moved about 4 hours away from us and when he was clean I would let him visit our daughter and they talked on the phone over the years. fast forward 8 years and he was doing good again. he had been sober for a couple years. he came into town to take our daughter to the daddy daughter dance at her school. when he showed up she cried and cried. he started visiting more often and we started talking more often and before I knew it, I was smitten again. eventually he moved in with us and a year later we got married. since we have been married not quite 2 years now he kept relapsing. the 2nd time he got violent I had him arrested and a restraining order AGAIN and we have been separated since October. he went to treatment again and is doing good. he comes over to visit our daughter and lately we have met up at meetings (I'm in Recovery too) he says he wants his family back and I told him I'm not willing to risk it again. he says I love you and I don't say it back because I would get sucked right back in if I did. he says I took my love away from him and treat him like shit. tonight I read messages on his phone. he's been talking to multiple other women rather casually but he tells these people I'm to blame and says I'm sadistic. one woman he was flirting with and said he didn't want to make our marriage work. I said something to him and he said he was only talking to other women because he figures I been talking to other men. which I have not. he says I hurt him over and over. he says he doesn't want anyone but me and that he could have these women because they want him and he turns them down cuz he only wants me. I had hopes that he would stay clean and doing so for a few years we would get back together but I also don't want to go through this again.