Ruining my relationships
I feel like I am ruining my relationships with my parents and my fiancé, because I have an extremely hard time about opening up and talking about my feelings and the millions of things going inside my head. I tend to hold everything in..
I am so independent that it basically consumed me and I just don’t want them to worry about me! I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to open up. I don’t know why my fiancé is soooo mature, but not me.. not even close. How the hell do I become mature?! Why can’t I make conversation with my parents? Why do they bother me so much and make me angry even though they don’t do anything wrong?!! UGGG I’m just so frustrated with myself!
@packers1919
That does sound like a frustrating thing to feel, not being able to find comfort in sharing your feelings. You mention being so independent. Being vulnerable through the sharing of feelings can seem pretty scary if it isn't something you have done over time. Just know that this is a struggle for many people, so you are not alone in this. Sometimes the value we place on certain personality qualities can change the way we think about other aspects of our lives. Being open to sharing the way we feel is sometimes thought of as a weakness, while others feel it helps us to grow more emotionally mature. I'm not sure there are any answers in these thoughts, but perhaps they will bring on other thoughts. If you are able to talk about this with your fiance (or a close friend or family member), that may be a good first step. Letting them know that you are trying to figure out how to be more open and hopefully getting some support from them in return may help you find some answers. Just talking about it is helpful, and I hope you are able to discover some things about yourself that open the window to comfort as you learn to share more openly.
@packers1919
What does "mature" look like, in your own description? In my definition, it means one who is experienced, worldly-wise, able to manage day to day and be self-sufficient, or else physically mature.
Are there ways in which you yourself might be
mature in your own fashion? Everyone has their own areas of mastery. What life areas have you mastered that your fiance might struggle with?
These are just some thoughts to possibly generate some self-reflection and greater awareness, which is always a good thing in my estimation.
"Awareness is like the sun. When it shines on things, they are transformed." and "If you touch one thing with deep awareness, you touch everything." (credit for both quotes: Thich Nhat Hanh, 1926 - 2022)