Help need advice please

I have been in my relationship for 11 years. We have had some really big ups and some really big downs. Right now we are in a down moment that I would so like to get out of. Yet I can't do it alone. We have communication issues and we have past issues with me lying to him in the past. He has cheated on me and we have gotten past those humps. Yet now when I am trying to help us start a new page and chapter and a clean slate he won't let his list go. A list he has of lies I have told him that he wants me to confess to. Yet he will not tell me what they are I am just suppose to remember. So I have been for the past year of not lying to him and yet when I am like just tell me and I will confess he doesn't want to. Like he wants to hold it over my head like it is some kind of upper hand. On top of that I get overly emotional when we have conversations and really want to stop so we can have logical conversations and not ones weighed in emotion. HELP !!!!!!!!!