Here we are?

Umm, hello.

First off, I have severe social anxiety and it kind of feels worse online, so I don't actually know why I'm even trying this at all. I'm very scared, since I usually don't really post online or even talk to people about these things that much... Well, here goes anyway.

So, my therapist ghosted me a few weeks ago and I'm struggling with a pretty bad depressive episode. I don't have the energy to go through the process of finding someone else and waiting in line and opening up all the wounds all over again, so for now I'm just sort of... stuck. Alone. With no support. Again. Everything seems to be falling apart in my life and I'm just too tired to try and put it back together. Some people around me think that I just don't care enough, but that's definitely not what this is about! I just can't seem to reach out and explain myself. I'm not very good at it as is, but the whole being exhausted 24/7 shtick doesn't help much.

I've kind of fallen into this cycle of work and escapism where I don't need to live the reality I'm in for most of the time. I hate what I've become, it's like all my years worth of progress has just disappeared into thin air and I'm back to staring at the ceiling for hours every night, failing to fall asleep. So I've been throwing myself into comics and games and fantasy. I mean, if I'm not sleeping anyway, why not do something nice instead of wallowing in self-hate?

I hope to find support here. Maybe some healthier and a bettet lasting alternative to constant distraction? My expectations aren't high, just a friendly voice might be enough. Thank you for reading.