Hi I'm new
Hi, I am new here.
I am in a 16 year relationship with my husband, we have a 14 year old. Recently I became aware that our relationship has been based around emotional abuse all of these years, to varying degrees. We are 3 or 4 days into me asking for space and he has been sleeping in the basement. When he is home he is moping and acting very sad and hopeless.
He has his first therapy session (ever) next Thursday. I feel responsible for his sadness and don't know what to do with myself or how to act around him. I very much want to spend time him tonight, have some fun out maybe. I want to comfort him and tell him it's going to be okay.
But instead I gave him a hug and said I love without a kiss goodbye as I left to drop our daughter at work. Now I don't know if I should go home or hang around town for a bit. This is so incredibly hard
Hi Tin!
I am also new here. May I ask if its not the first time he shows the same behavior or something happened that caused him to be like that? Caused the relationship to be like that, for years? I am sorry but what made you think that you are responsible for his sadness?
Truly, its as heavy as it sounds but even its hard to carry, there will be unexplained power that will make the load lighter, that is your LOVE. Its corny I know lol, coming from unmarried like me. But its the reason why you are here right? You can just simply write that you have problem with your hubby but instead, you mentioned you want to help him, just you dont know how and what to do.
While waiting for the day of his appointment, you can talk about this to your trusted friend/s or parents, siblings so you can have some air to breathe even without going outside. I am just a kind of person who doesnt enjoy noise from outside when I have problems to think of. Everyone of us experiences different issues in life, we never know, one of your friend or family member got through with the same situation from the past. This will help the support you need for the mean time.
Its good to hear that he will have his first session soon and we know thats a good step after acknowledging that there is something wrong. More than anyone else, you will play the most important role in this situation. Its affecting your relationship so I assume therapist may ask session for both of you at the same time.
You are doing fine for being there for him, giving a hug to a person who feels such kind of sadness does really help alot. Letting him know that you are there, understand him, ready to help him and making efforts inspite of him asking for some space. It hurts when our love one becomes distant and not talking to us right? But I am moved because you are doing these steps to help him and I know, after this whole thing resolves, he will appreciate that you never leave.
You can update us once in awhile. Take care!
@pleasebringmehome Hi, thanks for the reply. I am excited, woah, there is another human out there talking to me about this. Thank you. I'm kind of in this place where he is the emotional abuser and I have been a bit trapped for a while. But I recently realized, you can say I woke up. And now I see an unhealthy pattern. We love each other a lot but I am not sure if we will ever be able to break the cycle because of how deep it goes.