Hope ??
I don't know if this is the right place to post this but I'm just looking for advice.
I was recently in my first ever relationship nothing serious just online but they made me feel great and wanted. Things came to an end and she got with someone new and during that time I changed for myself u become a better person happy and more caring.
Recently after months of none contact she messaged me we spoke and were okay she told me they were having issues so I tried to help her. They got back togther the next day and i wished them luck and hope even though I was a little upset.. it has happened every week now 3 weeks lasts 5.7 days then she unblocks me and we talk she says she is stupid. That it's over for good and i always tell her its not.few hours later or next day there back together.
The thing is I keep having hope I can try again but I don't know anymore. I care and want to help her i want her to have time to heal but she just stays in the circle and idk what to do i wont ever lose hope but it feels stupid..
@Aralikan
This person has been using you. Alternately coming to you for support and then discarding you when she's done. Do you think she would be there for you? I would tell her to find a good therapist and say goodbye. Then block her.You can make more friends on line. You have experience at it now. Just don't let them use you. Friendship needs to be two-way.
@Aralikan This may boil down to an issue of self-respect. I can understand you clearly have feelings for her and that makes things difficult for you. But would you treat anyone else the way she has treated you? Would you go hot-and-cold, reaching out when you need help and then discarding when you don't, regardless of the situation the other person is in? Would you lead someone on if you had no real interest and knew you were just using them?
These are merely rhetorical questions and I pose them just so you can see the flip side of the coin.
A lesson I learned from my first failed serious relationship of 2 years was:
"Go where you are celebrated, not where you are tolerated"
If you learn to respect yourself more, you won't settle for such treatment from another.
"We don't get what we deserve, we get what we settle for"
Hopefully this will be a learning lesson for you to grow from and eventually, should you choose, you would be ready for someone who would treat you far more better.
It's all learning in these relationships too. They often teach us what we need to know for the next, until there is a final, long-lasting relationship, which I presume you have learnt enough to be ready for.
In my second failed relationship of 4 years, I then learnt that I needed to have fully healed myself before engaging into it (I was heartbroken and had alot of healing of past trauma, grief, pain, suffering, etc still do do). Also, I sort of attracted someone else who was equally broken, and despite loving each other we just damaged each other in the end, I think.
Now I'm fully working on myself, getting healed in every area of my life, sorting it all out from a major self-improvement transition over these past 10 months, so I hope next year, or at least in the next 5 years, to settle down with the lifelong commitment.
I hope this isn't oversharing, I just felt like you may have needed to hear this perhaps. This is what I learnt and I'm passing it on, if it's of any use to you or anyone else reading.
That's at least my two cents on the matter.
I wish you the very best.