Ideas on what exactly to do?

So I’m new to this app so please excuse me for making any mistakes or explaining something wrong.

But for the past couple of years, I’ve been getting this empty feeling. Or so it starts out like that. Soon it would grow into this anxiety and on some occasions, I’d have a bit of an anxiety attack.

Most times the the anxiety doesn’t come, but there’s these thoughts. ‘Why am I here? What’s the point of being here? Can everyone go away and leave me alone? Why can’t I just disappear or become invisible. I don’t want to be on this planet, or life. I want to be in/on a different one. I don’t want to be dead, but I don’t want to be alive’. Sort of a existential crisis. I’ve seen many therapists over the years and yet none seem to be of help for me. I want to see another one, but I also have a bit of social anxiety, so I’d rather text than call, FaceTime or meet in person. Unfortunately none of those can happen here in my country as I’ve done a bit of research on the ones here. Well, there are a few, but unfortunately those one are out of my budget. I’m quite low on money these days, and especially since I started a new job. Plus I would want anything to be a waste of money if I were to try.

But with all these thought, it’s messing with my day, my thoughts and feelings and more. Im just not sure what to do anymore. Help?