I want to be better, but idk how.

ive experienced a lot of abusive behavior in my family. My mom divorced my dad two years ago when I was a softmore in highschool, and then she left to go live in korea. she said that it was because living here gave her too much stress and it was expediting her cancer. Now she still reaches out to me often but i hate talking to her and all she talks to me about is me and drugs, and i genuinely hate talking to her but she forces communication with threats of calling the police and coming to me from korea so we can talk. Last fall I stayed with other relatives as well as bouncing around my friends homes to escape issues at my own home. I also deal with drug addiction as a coping method. Idk if addiction is correct, because I know im not addicted, but when things get hard my coping mechanism is just to get obliterated. I see now that hurting myself hurts those that care the most about me and its selfish of me to put them in pain just so i can be off my ass for a while. Ive gone sober since then, and I want to be a better person. I want help not relapsing. Furthermore, I am an asshole. I pick fights with strangers both verbally and physically. I insult strangers, and yell profanity and slurs (im asian so i mainly call others chink, gool, zipperhead) I spit in kids faces so they start hitting me and often times ill just stand there and take the hits instead of even fighting back.