New Here, Here is my story

I have no Idea where to start when it comes to finding someone here to listen, as Im hoping its somone that can relate. So here is my story and I will try to make it short and if anything reaches out to you feel free to reply.

I have a living son who was born in 2008 - Pregnacy was normalish. we had a few scares as my doctor got the dates wroung. We discussed all the options and decided it didnt matter what was wroung and that he would be loved no matter what. his kidneys were abnormal but we got the clean bill of health when he turned one. From there I knew I wanted more kids so we started to try for another. I was on and off fertility treatments for years and my doctor kept telling me everything checked out and it happend once so I dont need to worry. Soon after giving up on treatments we became pregnant. This is where my world flipped upside down. The pregnacy was textbook this time with all they symptoms. At 27 weeks I was rushed to the hospital where I delivered my baby girl. (march 2014). She died 9 days later in my arms. I went in to my doctors for follow ups after which was one of the hardest moments of my life as the one visit she asked how she was doing. I dont know if she didnt get the memo or couldnt be bothered to look in my file prior to walking in. I later went back saying I was struggling with depression and all I was told is that it was normal and I'll get over it. I ended up being referred to a specialist that deals with high risk along with infertility. That is when I was diagnosed with PCOS. Which explains the struggle with fertility. After months of lab work we started fertility treatments but she said it was unlikley. Well after much surprise we were pregnant after that first month!!
I either had a doctors appointment or an ultrasound every 2 weeks to watch things closley. I learnt early on that there were complications and that it will be another c-section. We were suppossed to go on holidays with my family but being pregnant hubby and I stayed home. Our son went with my parents and sister. While there my mom had a Aortic anureysm Rupture and was rushed for emergencie surgery. The family was told to say thier goodbyes as her chance of survival was under 2%. Well with all that stress I ended up with a migrane and went in to get looked over. I was admitted due to preeclampsia. I had traces showing my organs were failing and I was on bed rest. I delivered at 31 weeks and my son just barley made it home with my sister. Again it was a very tramatic delivery with everything that was going on with me and with my mom and not being able to travel.
Fast forward 2 years to today and everyone is home and healthy. I however still struggle with everything. I have anxiety attacks often during the days and at nights i struggle with panic attacks. I stress over all of this along with the finacial struggles that has come due to everything these past few years. everytime things start looking good someone throws a lemon made of bricks and i crumble. I dont feel like im getting the support I need from family. whenever I bring up how im feeling or I take priority in me I am called selfish and made into feeling guilty and giving up my me time.