Newbie and Lost Mom
Hi, I am new to this forum. I am lost. I have two daughters. They are 32 and 31. For different reasons I have poor relationships with them and I do not know what I did wrong.
My 32 year old has cut off all communication with me (and her father and sister). I have asked why and have only been told “I know why” which I don’t. I am guessing it may have to do with the support I’ve given her sister (see below). It just kills me.
My 31 year old is a binge drinking alcoholic. She has no job right now (quit when she was in a binge), she continues to believe she can stop with no help (obviously that isn’t working). I have paid her bills for 6 weeks now. And she’s ignored two interviews she had this week. I know with every fiber of my being I need to stop supporting her financially but I don’t know how to stop. I don’t want her (and her dog) homeless. It’s crushing me.
A little history: their father and I were married young and married 28 years. I filed for divorce when he left me for the 2nd time in five years. Prior to that we had a difficult marriage due to his drinking and job hopping. But we raised two smart, kind, funny girls; probably some would say spoiled girls.
I am remarried and he listens to me. But I get so sad that I know it’s affecting my new marriage. He raised boys and doesn’t have the same empathy as people who raised girls. So I am here for an ear or two. Hopefully someone has been in my shoes and can tell me how I let my daughter fail in order to begin again. And how to get my other daughter to talk to me if possible.
Thanks for listening.
Hello @lostdaughter66, welcome to 7 Cups! You have come to the right place. Unfortunately I do not have experience with helping my kids through something like this, however it might be worth looking into some sort of AA program. They might have some answers, and I am sure there are people here who would also have some good ideas, and options for you. To help ease the stress of figuring out how to use this platform, here is a link that explains a little bit more about us and how this platform works; Welcome Pack. I hope that you find the support you are looking for, and that your relationships with your husband and daughters gets better.
Best of Wishes,
Jet01
P.S. - Another good forum section to check out might be Substance Addiction Discussion & Forum, which is a part of 7 Cups.
Hi @lostdaughter66
Family relationships can be so hard to navigate! I'm sorry to hear you're struggling so much. I have no children, but I do have experience with alcoholism. It's a terrible disease that destroys the person afflicted with it, as well as the people around them. It's really hard to watch someone you love suffer and be unable to help them get better. No amount of love in the world can make an alcoholic get (and stay) sober, they have to want it for themselves. I have heard of loved ones of alcoholics and addicts benefiting from a program called AlAnon. It's like a support group for people who have loved ones that struggle with alcoholism.