Nothing to live for
I'm in no way suicidal but I just want a new life. I'm 24 years old, never had a job, don't know how to drive, never really been in a relationship, have zero friends, didn't graduate high school etc. My social skills SUCK, all I ever do is babysit for my sister....literally only getting paid $60 a week for 2 kids, I almost had a job working as a nanny but the person turned me down and I was devastated. I hate rejection with a passion and I will avoid getting rejected at all cost. No one has time for me....no one have patience for me because of the way I am. I have a hard time meeting new people, I never know what to say. I'm uncomfortable with saying my own name, asking people how they are, if they're okay, making small talk, and my vocabulary sucks. I come off as shy and awkward to a lot of people. I always feel like everyone hates me and is judging me in a bad way so I avoid going certain places. I didn't even attend my own sister's baby shower yesterday. I'm so different from others my age. I act so much younger than what I really am. I find relationships (bf gf) disgusting, I hate affection, I hate being touched, all things romantic disgust me so much! I do not understand why I'm this way. I wish I could be like everyone else and I have tried but it's so complicated. Everything that I like no one else finds interest in. My oldest sister makes sure to tell me my interest are boring and a waste of time doing/watching. She tells me how different I am and I don't like that. I've always been a shy quiet kid and I was bullied for years about my physical appearance so maybe that's why I'm this way....idk. I keep randomly crying because I just feel so stuck and I found out some information and so now I feel betrayed. I can't talk to anyone about anything cause no one cares. How my life is I really don't see a reason to live even though I'm going to keep trying and to seek help because I want my life to be better. It's so much more I wish I could share but I've already made this thread too long already...so I doubt anyone will read this.
@Brittanyyjones24 I read your post. I will not say that I am in a same shoes but I sinehow understand your situation.
@Brittanyyjones24
I read your post. I have never been in a situation similar to yours so I am not sure that my advice would be helpful. Try to get a job (McDonalds, Subway, ect...) (I don't know what country you live in so I can't really help you with job places). Then when you have enough money, if you want to go to uni go to uni, get a degree and then a better job. If you want to start a new life, when you have enough money, move somewhere else, like to another state or if you are game enough, another country. If you dont like your name you can change it. You dont have to change it officially, but you can just get other people to call you anoter name, like a nickname. If you are lonely, get a pet if you can afford it and can look after it well (local pounds are always good). Depending what your interests are, there are many clubs around where you can hang out with like minded people. Join one of those clubs and you will have some people to talk to and some friends and it won't be super awkward because you have something in common with them - the thing that you like that the club is about. I am not sure that this is helpful (it porbably isn't), but I hope it is.
@elizamc2004 Getting a job isn't easy for me. That's why I've gone so long without one. I'm sure I'll get fired from not showing up most of the time or I'll probably quit. I can't be around a bunch of people especially people I don't know. My communication skills are horrible. Same reason why I don't go to clubs, parties etc. I've been doing my research for a couple of years now and I may have social anxiety, avoidant personality disorder....I've even had people tell me I may be on the autism spectrum. Idk for sure until I see a doctor which I have been avoiding. Yes I have a problem with saying my own name but it doesn't matter what my name is, it will always feel uncomfortable for me to say it. So I'm fine with the name that I have. And I don't think I'll ever get a pet. I'm literally afraid of every single animal. It's just something that runs in my family I guess. We're not animal lovers. I do have a hobby in painting dolls so that sometimes brings me comfort and makes me happy. I thank you so much for giving me advice though!
@Brittanyyjones24
Why does your family treat you so poorly?
@Airtight They don't necessarily treat me poorly. They don't understand why I am the way that I am. I don't even fully understand why I am this way. When I try talking about what I think is wrong with me, they don't believe it nor care to understand. They say I need to get over it and grow up. I don't have anything nor really anyone but I do plan on leaving soon...don't know when and don't know where. My family isn't good for me and I don't feel appreciate for all that I do for them. I'm the hairstylist, baker and babysitter of the family so they'll realize how much they need me when I'm gone.