Reasons to Give -- A Personal Story
I have always been a pretty motivated guy but after smoking (which I loved) for years I found myself slowly becoming In a rut. I would want to finish whatever I had to do that day just so I could go home and smoke. I was only truly not high at work only. Other then that I would be high all day and would turn my lifestyle to support my habit. I still did great at work and no one truly new what was going inside my head and how much smoking was truly effecting me.
I found myself always needed the stuff and would also be looking anywhere for it just to get high. I also would feel guilty of doing this and spending the money but it was ok because I could just smoke myself into a state of whatever. I found myself pushing friends away and spending all my free time just getting high instead of putting the time into my social life / career
Now for the good part.
After stopping for a month I have become superman. All that time and effort I had to do to keep myself high now goes into my personal life and career. I no longer want to rush home just to get high and I have my hunger back also not only for food but for life. My brain is becoming sharp again and my Motivation is back 150%. At work I am getting another promotion and people are amazed At my level of work (which is normal I feel)
I will always love smoking but I am done with it. It was a big black hole, a time sink, an excuse to not go out and tackle the world. Sure in small moderation maybe nobody will ever go through this but after reading these posts and feeling the exact same way I know it is an issue. Also hearing my friends say
Today, I continue to participate in a program of recovery and try to be of service to others. I
@MrSkyler I have so much admiration for you and I feel anyone reading this will be inspired by your story. I dont smoke myself but I take a lot of medication so I can understand the addiction side. Good luck to you and your beautiful family and thank you for sharing your continued success in recovery. Best Wishes, Louise
Where do I start?,thought it was time to share something about me.
I have had a lot go on in my life so I will keep it as brief as I can. It starts from the delicate age of 6 wks old where I was raised by my Auntie and Uncle due to it being impossible for my biological mother to have me which was down to my father that caused my mum fleeing from him not sure of the whole timeline of events surrounding then just that it wasn't safe for me and couldn't look after me so her sis and husband took me in. Growing up i didn't feel that I was wanted by my uncle yes but not really with my Auntie. Through court I saw my father and there was no attempt of contact being stopped from my Auntie seeing as she knew what he was like i'd like to think that it was cos of the legal stuff but I don't think this was the case n more about what side was took,even after he threw me up in the air as a baby and didn't make any attempts to catch me if it wasn't for my Auntie I wouldn't be here now,but still she let him see me.
Moving on to school life all through that I was bullied herrendousley it was a lot worse in secondary school. When I was 15 that was the last time I saw my father and haven't seen him since due to his temper and violence and attempted rape. This lead to me having an eating disorder which I dnt think my auntie even noticed then but later on she noticed I was loosing weight but she just thought that that was due to me taking up dancing well it didn't help so had to give up that.
I lived with that alone the fact that my father attempted to do that to me which I told a friend at school who came home with me to tell my Auntie about what am going through I got told it never happened and it was all in my head. So I was obvious I couldn't talk about anything to my Auntie or anyone. I saw my biological mum all through my life but couldn't have a mum daughter relationship cos of my Auntie being set in her ways n didn't knw she was my mum till I was like 12 I was led to believe she was a friend of my Auntie.
Anyway when I was 18 I told my biological mum about what happened with my Dad and she was devastated as you can imagine,I feel then was the only time I built a relationship with my real mum when I left home between 17 & 18.
Throughout my adult life I have been subjected to Domestic Violence with some partners that has ended me up in hospital.
Because of what I have gone through and there is a lot more to tell but I have had Depression really badley which I did attempt to end it back in my teens but didn't succeed now it's not an option I have a family of my own,also have anxiety and may have Bipolar but just afraid to see someone about this am afraid full stop of talking to people in fear of being judged or not taken seriously.
I will leave you with some parts of my life although things are happier now I still have the war in my head because of everything that's happened this is why i'm here.