Story of me:)
Hello guys, i will tell you my story so you can help me out:)
im talented 18 years old boy
before 6 months i was diagnosed with Anxiety Depression and OCD.
My parent at first didn't believe that i had mental health issue, till my bad breath almost killed me! i had sticky bad breath(a really strong one), i checked everything with Physicians, and everything was in check!
so our family doctor recommended us to go to a psychatrist(even i didn't believe i need one)! so i was shocked when he told me that im the only one in the room who is smelling that strong bad breath!(my mom had tears when she heared that!).
so my parents didnt want me to take psychatric medicine, therefore things got worse, i had anxiety attacks! i had not control of my body, i was crying for no reason all day long!
so the psychatrist give me high dosages of a lot of medcinine.
thank god the bad breath became weaker! im making a progress!
nowadays i still have low self esteem!
it is all because i hate my body! I had very fit body! i was going to the gym every day twice a day! eating pre macros(scaling food)(my parents telling me it was an obsession).
but i hated the results, i hated my body( i think im having bad genes(because my moms sayings))!
my mother kept telling me when i was Bulking that my body is asymmetrical and it looks ugly, and she hated the way i ate!(she wanted me to eat like a normal person).
nowadays i hate even seeing fit people, and i hate sports so much!
so i need your help guys idk what to do with my life right now, i feel so hopeless!
i have no motivation to do anything in my life!
it may look a sily story but it means a lot to me!
@reservedCranberry3722
Hi Cranberry, it sounds like you have had a really difficult and very emotional time over the past few years.
Would you prefer to talk to us on this forum?
@reservedCranberry3722
Hello, I myself am very new to this place and I saw your thread, and wondered if I could give some little advice. I myself had a very a major complex on my studies, grades and messed up in exams (A levels) really badly, and it had left quite a deep pain. But I won't explain further but I hope you get the idea. In my mind I could never understand the pain you are going through because in case of my body, I have been pretty careless and haven't really paid much siginificant attention to it at all. I barely do any physical excercise or none at all and recently was getting quite fat in the stomach area. I was a little worried about that yes I won't disagree, but what I really wanted to talk about was about the anxiety and depression you have you have about your bad breath and your body. I myself have improved my conditions on depresson, in fact in some cases, I fought against it, even quite literally.
I think in my view, I guess you very high expectations for youself and it's difficult bring them out into reality, doesn't mean you can't, but do you really have to. I know you can't accept yourself as you are right now but try to find even the slightest thing you find good in yourself and start there, loving yourself. Like how you are handsome you are or you have a good face it could be anything, you are a good person, or you are good at comunicating with people, it could be anything, but find something you can appreciate in yourself and I mean genuinely don't lie to yourself. Believe me it will give you a lot of strength, if you see the positive in yourself. Oh, if your not having fun in what you are doing then the struggle get pretty hard. I don't usually know the psyche of people who excercise but I do know many people try impress other people with their muscular bodies. So I guess there is part expectaton of what others think of you and you judge yourself for that. So I say Don't give a damn, of what other people think. Really just believe in yourself do what you are doing, be happy. You know you could probably beat me with a single punch and I am 20 years old lol. So you are definitely are better than me haha, I'm just a weakling and am not fit whatsoever, but it never had been my worry, but I do have my side of worries so I understand. Usually we worry about things on which we have strong feelings on, so relax try to forgive yourself and accept the best you have right now and once you do that, you yourself would improve significantly. After that maybe you would want to excercise all over again but don't push it, do when you feel like it, when it is easy.
As an ending note seems like I took this way to long sorry, I wanted to keep it short but couldn't.
Once you accept yourself I think you might be a lot better than you are now, it's worth a try. Maybe someone might acknowlede you and life would get better and if no one did, hell with them, just keep on going, live for your own sake, don't give damn what others think. At least that's what works for me, hope it helps you too, if only little. I'd be pretty happy and if it did and if it didn't, it doesn't matter, it means you need more help, keep on fighting and find other things life, that make you happy and try to focus on other things that might brighten your life. There is so much there in this life to look forward to. Good Luck!
@lifezsad34
Thank for your support, i think my problem that i care about my parents and people(Espicially parents) thoughts about me! i think bodybuilding made me self conscious!(which dont feel right)!
BTW im religious person and i know i should obey my parents!( i dont want them to be mad at me)!
I have a good relationship with my parents, (i get what i want, they love me..), but the only problem is the atmosphere in the family, it is so charged with negativity, we might look like the perfect family but in reality we have a lot of fights, and we dont enjoy being together!
I just seem i cant find anything that i care about or love to do anymore.
I hate going out with friends, i dont feel comfortable, i think the reason behind this that people always betray me and do bad things to me!
when im with people i feel anxious! and i dont feel comfy! i will be watching every step im doing!(how i walk, drink...etc)
i wish someone could help me with those thoughts!
@reservedCranberry3722
I never thought we this similar, this time I'll be serious. I myself have similar feelings concerning people and somtimes family. Suprisingly I was also was quite a religious person myself and so I understand the responsibility you feel towards your parents, you see my parents also had quite high expectations towards me and especially in reagrds to my studies and getting a career, so you know I felt a lot of pressure from them. Even though my parents are good people, they weren't that strict and all but you do feel that pressure and I guess most people do feel the same from their parents and that's why they avoid them. I myself had felt that I had failed them, that I am worthless and even though they didn't blame me much for it, but you feel a deep sense of guilt because they do so much for you, and you feel that you yourself have given so less. Even though my parents say it's okay, I just don't believe them and they call me paranoid but what can I do I can't get rid of the guilt I feel. It's a horrible feeling that my parents have done so much, yet I could do nothing, to repay them.
Now things are way better with my parents, we have worked things out, my relationship isn't that bad with them but, there are tensions at times we do agrue a lot but I guess that's normal.
I believe that your relationship with your parents was better in the past then now because the negativity you feel now, must have not been in the past. I don't really have much of a solution but I think, to solve such things also takes time. Sometimes you have to agrue and confront the feelings and issues you feel(which is hard I know) with your parents to know how they feel about you, and what you feel about them. This way each of you could know in a more comprehensive way, on what may really be the real issues between each other.
Now this is a thing I want to tell you about from my own experiece, I remember once I really had quite a bad argument with my father and I really started hating him for it, he said so horrible things to me that I couldn't let them go that easily. But then I realised if I start hating him things might get even worse, so I tried let them go, because if contineously held those feelings wouldn't I end up like him, saying the same things to him which may enrage him and bring us to same point of our argument. So what I seemed to be suggesting here, is try to be better than parents at times try to be more nicer and kinder even though they might not respond the same way but eventually you'll see a change in them even though that will happen quite later. But you have to stick with it, don't expect anything from them in return and you won't be disappointed.
Well this is just advice you don't have to take it to your heart right now, because what you are feeling right now is a lot worse I know. It won't be fixed with pretty words or simple compassion, you do need help I am certain. Feelings you feel right now are very venomous and they aren't going to leave you alone, because you have thoughts bother you, memories that might you want to forget but can't. Life that's stagnant and not moving anywhere, the feeling that you aren't progessing in life and also feelings of self hatred. They can seriously be very self deprecating. Nothing really fixed me too at the time, when I faced such feelings. I also have similar feelings with my friends as you have and have been very self critical of myself and still am even now to certain extent.
At the time and even now I take help from music, espiecally heavy metal music, I listened to a lot of Metallica, their songs helped a lot. Sometimes nothing works, but music reaches to the soul so, I guess try to listen to some music, it helped me, maybe it might help you.
I have never taken any medication or anything, when I experieced depression, but I have heard that some antidepressants might side have side effects and cause mood changes so, I suggest take any medication when absolutely neccessary don't overdo it. Plus it's never good to be dependent on them otherwise you can't let go and face the issues, it seems more like an escape then a fix.
I don't claim to be a specialist or anything I am just using my own experiece to help you in the best way I can, and if I can.
There were 2 Metallica songs that came in my mind that you might like. I guess the song I feel you need to hear is probably "Unforgiven 2".
Another one which flashed in my mind when I was reading your message was the song "Sad but True". (Oh do check the lyrics for both of these songs for a better understanding)
I guess this is what I have for now, I don't much experience in writing to other people, talking is much easier for me that way you can have a two way comunication and can pinpoint problems much easily. Hope this helps even a little. I know it's hard, but keep fighting, don't give up!