Struggling tonight 😢

Hi, just joined. Struggling this evening, the depression is so strong right now that I feel practically paralyzed. The negative thoughts wont stop, every time I try to redirect my thoughts to a happier place it makes everything worse. Im unemployed again for the fourth time in less than two years because my depression gets so heavy some days I cant even perform my job correctly, I make little mistakes that my superiors use as an excuse to fire me. My checking account is overdrawn by $300, waiting to receive my back pay from unemployment benefits is putting me into an even bigger financial hole than I was already in. Im a single mother of a two year old whose father (my ex husband) keeps using my mental health issues and inability to maintain a steady job against me for full custody of our son (this was after my ex abandoned me while 26 weeks pregnant for another woman). And theyre still together, and my ex prompts him to call her mommy whenever I have to see him for custody exchanges. My parents are generous enough to let my son and I live with them rent free until Im back on my feet with a stable job. Im on the highest possible dose of antidepressants, adhd, and anxiety meds. Cant even afford the sliding scale fee to continue counseling. Meditation just increases my anxiety. I just cant pull my mind out of this dark place right now 😢