This is me

Hi.

I'm a 25 y/o male.

Considering what I have in life, I should be happy and content with what I have in life. But fact is, I'm not. I often feel extreme regret with the choices I have made and where it has landed me. I know that this kind of distructive thinking won't lead me anywhere good, but I'm really struggling with my emotions. I always have. I'm a very emotional person...

I have everything I could want. I rescued a dog six years ago that I love more than the world, I have a girlfriend that loves me more than the world. My family loves me more than the world. I have a select few friends left around me, that I think love me as well but doubt constantly crosses my mind. I have steady work with good pay, a nice new apartment and a car.

If I could, I would give it all up and run away. The fact that I feel this way is weighing extremely hard on me. I have so much more than others in this world, yet I feel like running away?! I have everything I could ask for, but I'm still not happy. Far from it. I constantly dream nightmares, about an alternate life and other women I could have ended up with.

I've never said this, ever, but I don't really love anyone but my dog. As soon as my dog dies, I might do what my subcontious is telling me night and day. But I fear hurting my family, girlfriend and friends.

I can't stand hurting anyone through my actions.

My problems seem mediocre in comparison to what other people are going through. I don't understand why I feel so god damn worthless when I should be happy.

Thanks to anyone who had the time to read my mess. Good night.