Trying to be better
Hey everyone, I'm Candi. I found 7 cups while doing research on support groups. I am wanting to connect with others to help through my grief and my problems opening up emotionally to others. I recently had a relationship of 3 years end because instead of opening up with my guy, I emotionally connected to someone else over the loss of my grandpa. The emotional connection turned into a flirtatious connection. Despite nothing physical ever happening, the communication alone destroyed my relationship. My ex has been incredibily supportive even though I have broken his heart. He has agreed to continuing an open communication line to insure that I will be okay and find the help that I need. He doesn't have to do that after what I have done. He is so strong and I appreciate him so much.
I am on here to get myself better but also to repair the friendship that our relationship was built on and to be a better version of the woman he fell in love with.
Thank you
Well last night didn't quite go as well as I hoped. When we were talking about my grandpa, I overstepped the boundaries and hugged him. I didn't know how else to show my appreciation for him being there through the whole situation. We talked through the boundries though and things were ended on a better note.
When I got home, I did some research on avoidant attachment. It makes a lot of sense. When I was young, I bounced between my mom and grandparents. My mom left when I was 6 and I only would see her on weekends..if we could find her. I never received many hugs from her or my grandmother. My grandfather gave me all the attention, but I wasn't suppose to cry or talk about being sad. I had school counselors and the school district therapist for that. I remember when my grandmother passed away, I started to cry, my grandpa grabbed my hand and told me to behave myself. I haven't cried about her passing since.
Maybe it could be that I sabatoge myself through fear and avoidant attachment. I am not an expert and self research might not be the best, but it was I have to work with at the moment.
@candicorn87 You seem very self-aware of your situation and you are learning about yourself and your experiences. Well done.
So I just spent the last 2 hours writing my grandpa who passed a letter. It was full of all my emotions, it was full of my pain and my hurt. I emailed it to my ex, so maybe he will have more of a perspective. I hope that he reads it.
Last night when we talked, we had words. He got a lot of anger, frustration, and hurt out. I don't blame him for feeling the way he feels. And instead of walking away, shutting it out, for the first time, I stayed and talked it through. Lots of tears from both sides, but we got through that conversation and left with smiles. I can't really say much, but it is progress.
Today, I go back to work for the first time since our shut down. I am really excited and nervous to get back. Hope I do well.
Yesterday, I was having struggles with my dad. Our opinions are very different about the world around us. Sometimes I feel like he bullys me because he wants me to lose my temper. If I say no or I don't like something, he keeps pushing the subject and then asks me why I am throwing a fit because I repeat myself more bluntly. Well with the struggle, I messaged who I have been calling him in all my posts (the ex.) I told him that I was struggling and could really use him. Two mintues later he called and a 3 hour conversation began. We always did have good conversations and they are only getting better as I continue working on opening up and sharing my feelings. At the same time though, it hurts my heart. It hurts because I don't understand why I wasn't this way from the beginning. Maybe if I was, this break up would have never happend.
Anyway, it still always great to talk to him. I hope it continues and our journey moves forward on the path that we both want.
@candicorn87 I can understand why you would feel pain and I can relate. It's important to focus on the positive that you have learnt now. (Better late than never).
Today may be the first day that we don't talk since the breakup. I am struggling so much right now. He is so supportive and still cares so much. I don't know if he has stopped or if I am overthinking and just being over emotional about the whole thing. I can't stop crying, I just need to hear something from him even if he says that he doesn't want to talk. If that is the case, I wish he would just text it or say it, instead of letting me question everything. I guess technically he doesn't have to since we are broke up, but I know he is not the person to just ignore.
Well, it wasn't the first day of us not talking. I overreacted and was overthinking it all. He wanted a day to himself, away from his phone, and everything else. I don't blame him, I like that too at times...just not days away from him. Even though it was a short conversation, it made it easier for me to sleep tonight. I thank whatever higher entity there is out there for him. I love him so..
@candicorn87
Awww... do you feel better now you have said the things you ahve said on here?
@rechnin
I do. I feel that it helps documenting through this process with him and with myself. It is a daily reminder of where I was and where I want to be.
@candicorn87
That is a good way to look at it. Working my own things through as well.
I had a great night at work. It feels so good to productive again. As for the ex, we texted for a bit. It isn't the same as talking but we are still making progress. I am feeling better being alone all though it does still hurt like crazy. I know that doesn't totally make sense, but it does to me.
I am actually doing okay for right now. I can only get better with the hard work, determination, and opening up about my feelings.
I had a great night at work. It feels so good to productive again. As for the ex, we texted for a bit. It isn't the same as talking but we are still making progress. I am feeling better being alone all though it does still hurt like crazy. I know that doesn't totally make sense, but it does to me.
I am actually doing okay for right now. I can only get better with the hard work, determination, and opening up about my feelings.
Struggling today. We were suppose to meet up so he could spend time with the dog, but we aren't because he was up too late last night. I miss him so much that not talking to him is taking it's tole on me right now. Yesterday was the first day we did not talk to each other, and today is looking like it might go the same way. The less I talk to him the more upset I become. I don't want to try the no contact, becase I don't know if I would make it through.
Talked to him after all today. It was different than the other times, more distant. I may be reading way too much into this. I don't know, so confused about it all.
@candicorn87
Hey Candi, thanks for sharing your story. I'm late to the game here, I just joined. But I wish u well and I understand how loss can lead to relationship troubles.
@Tylerhansell
Hey, welcome. I use this thread kind of as a blog to track my progress. I hope that you are well and that this place will help you continue on your journey.
@candicorn87
That's great, good luck to you.
Fellow gamer here as well.
So I made a friend. I am an adult and haven't had people I called friends in my life. Quite proud of myself for reaching out to this person. It has been fun chatting and I have been smiling more for it. I have more of a positive outlook on my future.
@candicorn87 Very glad to hear this.