Feeling uncomfortable in my skin

I didn’t know if I should put this here or the self-esteem forum. Something someone said has been bothering me that time isn’t seeming to help.

A couple months ago, husband and I had just broken up. We were still around each other amicably, deciding how things would go moving forward. We still had feelings for each other, but in short had too many irreconcilable differences. I don’t want this to get too long talking about him, but for some background there were some mental/physical abuse and control issues. 

During this time, in the middle of normal conversation, he decided to tell me that there were times he had trouble getting intimate with me because of my belly. I have had children, and in the beginning of our relationship he had told me that he knew that sort of thing was normal and he doesn’t prefer when women are too thin anyway, that he liked some weight. So I was comfortable for the most part with my looks and felt good about myself in that way. If I ever didn’t like something, I’d work toward fixing it. I’m not overweight at all. But I do have issues with a slightly distended stomach due to a couple health problems. There are lifestyle things I do that make it not as bad, but it will probably never be a flat stomach. He knew about these things. He wasn’t helpful in supporting me achieving those lifestyle changes. I don’t want to get into the specifics, but sometimes he’d push me past my limits or purposely do things I shouldn’t do, so I’d try to keep up with him. I’m trying to be more conscious of those things now.

I’ve always struggled with depression for other reasons. He knew that. I don’t understand why he felt the need to tell me. He’d always say he’s “just sharing” and that I should want him to be honest, he thought I should know. I think he always hinted that I should exercise more, but my doctor told me I can’t do intense abs exercises like crunches because of one health condition. My husband never believed doctors opinions though. I don’t know why he thought this would be helpful to me. He ruined one part of my small self-esteem I didn’t worry about. What made it worse was he got irritated that it made me sad. He said that it was only sometimes and he was attracted to me most of the time, but I don’t know which was which and what was different. He tried to explain and said I was misunderstanding and being too sensitive. At the end he punished me by saying that he won’t share anything with me anymore.

I had times where I thought he was getting too much belly eating too many desserts and things that he can control but won’t, but still it never affected my attraction to him, and I never said anything. It wasn’t that big of a deal to me, my attraction was more than just physical, and I feel like everyone goes through changes. I understand the need for honesty if it gets to the point where you’re concerned for someone’s health. I even think it’s ok to talk about things that affect attraction for one another if something gets really bad. I think it just hit me hard because I don’t have a lot of control over it, he didn’t exactly support when I wanted to do things better, and I think overall I still look really good and the same as when he met me. He friends and other people think I’m attractive.

I hate looking in the mirror. I don’t like getting undressed or showing, being naked at all. I feel uncomfortable in my skin. I feel like I should think “well forget him”, especially since he was so mean about so many other things in our relationship. I don’t know why I can’t have that attitude. It’s like I’m letting him have one more form of control over me. But knowing that doesn’t help me feel better.

Are all men so shallow and I’ve just been naive? I can’t think they are, but maybe because of where I live now it seems like they are. His friends seemed nice, but then they’d say or do things that would shock me. When I go out shopping, I wear a coat or baggy clothes now.