Recognize Feelings (Part I)

Goal

To develop a language and an ability to recognize what you are feeling.

Feeling Your Feelings (Zamore & Leutenberg, pp. 35-38)

Many people believe that the best way to cope with unpleasant feelings is to ignore or “stuff” them. This is not true. Sitting with and feeling what you are feeling is a better approach to take. The more you welcome your feelings, the more you’ll have the capacity for pleasant feelings to exist alongside the difficult ones.

People are capable of experiencing a wide variety of emotions at any given time. By recognizing this, you can begin to appreciate just how difficult the grieving process can be. Grief will subside over time; however, the grieving process doesn’t happen in a step-by-step or orderly fashion.

Understanding Your Fears (Zamore & Leutenberg, p. 46)

Many people are reluctant to realize that they are fearful. Even when they can or do admit this to themselves, they are not able to identify what the fears are about. People who experience any type of loss may wonder, “How does this affect my life and how will I cope?” The first step is to identify what is so frightening. Giving voice to your fears is very helpful in dealing with a challenge and acknowledging that there is a challenge. It is after getting in touch with these difficult feelings that you can begin to work through them.

Understanding Fears Exercise (Zamore & Leutenberg, p. 46)

Instructions: Reflect on the questions below. The examples are related to the loss of a spouse and may or may not be applicable to you.

• What do you fear? (e.g., being alone the rest of my life)
• What are you avoiding because of this fear? (e.g., dating)
• What else may be adding to this fear? (e.g., concern that I will feel foolish, being rejected, concerned that no one will live up to my deceased spouse)
• What steps could you take to work through this fear? (e.g., get used to being alone and enjoying my own company, let things unfold slowly, try an online dating service)