Increasing the Positive

Goal

To be able to increase positive behaviors and interactions

Increasing Positive Behaviors (Kazdin, 2005)

When interacting with your child when they are being difficult, it is challenging to focus on positive behaviors and to talk positively to them. However, it is important to word things positively in order to increase the positive behaviors, which are the behaviors that you desire. Have you ever told your child to stop fighting, only to have them stomp away and slam doors? This can then become a cycle of you telling your child not to slam the door and then them reacting with another undesirable behavior. Instead of engaging in this cycle with your child, try stepping out of it by stating positive, desirable behaviors. To change any difficult behavior, it is necessary to increase the positive opposite (desirable) behavior rather than punish the negative behavior.

If your child is fighting, how would you increase the positive opposite (desirable) behavior? You obviously would want them to no longer fight, but think about what that would mean. It would most likely involve interacting with others nicely, playing cooperatively, and sharing. Therefore, if you encounter your child fighting, try saying “Please talk nicely and share your toys with Johnny.” Statements such as these are worded positively and have a clear definition of what you would rather them doing. It is especially important to not word these negatively, such as “Do not fight. Do not be mean.” For each behavior you do not want, it is important to have a clear definition in your mind of what you want to have your child do instead.

Increasing Positive Interactions (Barkley, 2013)

Now that we have learned what positive behaviors are, we want to discuss and learn about positive interactions. Many times, when children are being difficult, it is even harder to have a positive interaction with your child. However, your child craves your attention and your admiration of them. Try reserving a special playtime with your child. Your child can choose what to do or play. It is important to remember 3 things during this time: 1) ask no questions, 2) make no commands, and 3) do not criticize. Children often get attention for bad behaviors instead of good ones. This causes them to feel rewarded for engaging in bad behaviors. Remember, children are often trying to get something or avoid something. During this playtime, if your child performs a behavior that you enjoy and want them to do, praise them. This could involve statements such as: “I like it when you share your toys like that”, “Great job doing that all by yourself”, etc.

While playing with them, also narrate what they are doing. Examples of this include: “You are feeding those animals”, “You are having the girl ride the horse”, etc. However, it is likely that during this time, the child may do something that you do not want to encourage. If this occurs, turn away from them so that they receive no attention from you. If your child becomes violent or destructive, you can end the playtime. If you have teenagers, consider having them choose an activity they enjoy and then engage in it with them. This could be something like going mini-golfing together. Be sure it is something which you can interact with them during and make age-appropriate comments.