I can't get over my ex after 5 years. What should I do?
Last Updated: 01/05/2022 at 12:48pm
Jennifer Patterson, LMFT, ATR-BC
Life can be messy. Sometimes you need a little support to make your way through it. I love to help guide people through their challenges & to find the beauty in our messes.
Top Rated Answers
I had a similar situation - I couldn't get over my ex for a long time, no matter what my friends told me. When we were dating, he was so sweet and caring, my friends liked him and everything. All of a sudden, he left me and I was devastated. Since we were in high school (seniors) at this time, I had to see him everyday for the rest of the year, having fun with other girls. One thing he asked from me after our break-up was that we stay friends and I agreed - to an extent. We were friends, yes, but I ignored him for quite a few months. I moved away from the room if he was there, I ignored his messages, I didn't even look at him for more than 2 seconds. But slowly, I started talking to him again and we became close friends again...but I still wasn't over him. Then, I made myself do something drastic, that would change my life. I shifted to another country. High school was over, and I wanted to stay in my home country for university but I thought that won't actually help me, so I moved. Long story short, after 3 years since we dated, I am over him. What I'm trying to say is, don't let him hold you back. Your memories may have been sweet, and you love thinking about them, but remember, as much as it hurts, it is not what it was like before. Sometimes, you have to take risks. Delete him from your life for a while, and move on. Slowly but surely, you'll get there. Go out with friends, take risks and meet new people. Whatever you do, do not let your ex hold you back. I know this will hurt, and I'm sorry to say, your ex may not be thinking of you in the same way you are thinking about him/her now. Even if things somehow managed to patch up and you guys got back together, trust me...it won't be the same. Remember, all types of friendships, relationships come and go. Don't stay in one place for too long. :)
It's difficult to get over our exes, especially those that we truly cared about and had meaningful relationships with. The recovery is slow going, but it -is- possible. There will be a lot of sleepless nights, crying, shouting, and blaming--it's okay to react this way at first, pain is natural. But, through time and self-reflection, you can come to accept your new situation.
Time and distance are the two most important ingredients in recovery, but neither does any good at all if you keep rehashing issues that are over and done with. Even if you only ever revisit your relationship inside your own head, if you're always thinking about it, you won't get over it easily. There isn't much else to getting over a relationship. There's no perfect resolution that will give you any kind of catharsis if you can't tell yourself simply "This is over, and that is okay. We are over, but I am not over." A relationship doesn't fail because they weren't good enough or because you weren't good enough, but rather because of some fundamental misunderstanding or disconnect: you simply weren't meant to be. Take the lessons and mistakes you learned, and grow and be happy, and the relationships you want will form around you. When you love yourself and accept yourself, the world will do the same. But you have to mean it. You can't just say it. You have to believe it. You are wonderful and okay and amazing, and when you realize that, you'll realize you never really needed anyone else at all. It is good to want, it is good to love, but you never really need anyone. You are you , and you don't need anyone else to make you whole. Perhaps more importantly, no one else even can make you whole.
Maybe you should try to contact him now and ask him to meet up with you. Maybe you get on well again and maybe he isn't over you yet... It's never to late
Evaluate the situation! Dig deep why it's been 5 years and getting over your ex is still a dilemma. Lastly, try to find out if the status is doing you good or not.
I dated a guy for 8 years and I got engaged to him, I couldn't get over him even though I knew he's not good for me. For almost two years I kept going back to him whenever he asked and repeating the same old mistakes until this one night where I sat down and cried for hours and hours trying to understand what the problem was exactly. Then I took a pen and a paper and wrote down everything that's wrong with him, with the relationship and with me. I still miss him and I often think about him but I never think about going back to him cause that paper, that list reminds me of everything that's not right with that decision. Sometimes we make repeated mistakes because we forget WHY is something and someone bad for us. So yea, hope it helps. Stay strong!
You need to be gentle with yourself. Maybe what you're "not over" isn't your ex at all, but struggles, disappointments and regrets that you haven't come to terms with (yet).
Realize there are 2 people here. One is your projected partner. The other is the real person there. Took me a while to realize this, and detach my needed partner from that person, and the problem stopped. I requested my needed partner from wrong people. Once you realize this, problem stops. And you cannot be fooled easily anymore (usually by your own mind, then by others, who profit from your delusionment)
Remember that your ex is your ex for a reason. Know that you have given your best shot and now you have to learn from the past and move to the future.
There are some people that remain in your life forever due to the impact that they had on it. You might not - and probably won't - ever forget about him. You might still cherish the moments you lived with him, even if you wouldn't ever want to get back together with him. You might think about him every now and then. The important thing is not that you forget him and never think about him again, it's that you learn that you can move on with your life and love somebody else just as much if not more than you loved him. Or maybe just in a different way. If your relationship ended because you felt like he wasn't the right man for you, remember that. It's easy over the years to remember all the bad stuff, all the reasons we didn't want to be with that person. But remember, there is a reason why you aren't together anymore. And in 5 years, people change, so chances are he wouldn't be the man that you first fell in love with. Allow yourself to love someone who will always be the man who deserves you.
To get over your ex of 5 years, you should first try to figure out what makes it hard for you to get over them and then try and figure out a way over that obstacle.
Find a new person and get over the old one! Or you could just call her and tell her/him how you feel about them!
Evaluate why you can't get over your ex. Is it old memories? Wishful thinking? Are you living in a situation where you are constantly reminded of him? In order to move on, good change needs to happen and most times, you should initiate it. This means that you should be open to new experiences. Go out, meet new people, pick up a new hobby, travel etc. 5 years is quite a long time to love someone from far. Perhaps it's about time for you to love and focus on yourself. You deserve it.
people always leave, no matter how hard you try to keep them, just remind yourself that you've just got one life and you deserve better, go for parties, dates, eventually you'll meet somebody who is a thousand times better.
try not to talk to her, When was the last tym u saw her...try to avoid that....keep spending ur tym with family and friends.
You never will. But it will become better. What you need to know is that you will never find someone exactly like your ex. But don't shut yourself to someone new, different and maybe better. World change so do you. Don't clinge to the past. Rest of your life is in future.
you probably cannot get over him for the simple reason that you allow him to pervade your thoughts. Once you realize that , the fact that you're no longer together, is not making you miss him but your thoughts and memories of him. Try to think of the arguments you had and the not-so pleasant memories and realize he is gone for a reason. If he hadn't at that point of time , he would eventually.
Please refer to the 7 cups guide for support. If the guide does not give you the advice you are looking for, please contact your chosen listener on 7 cups, and someone would be happy to support you and listen to you.
meditate regularly,free yourself of the past.find better love.keep yourself engaged in healthy activities.
Time and Nature know how to reward their spiritually-wounded children, if only they too know how to return in kind positive energies and actions. Thus, it's simply but an opportunity for a new and innovative relationship and experience, chances that don't seize to be coming and pay off.
Do you still see his/her pictures? Do you still go through his/her facebook profiles? Do you still talk about him/her to your friends? Do you feel that one day he/she will realise that what mistake he/she did by leaving you? If the answer to all these questions are yes, then you really need to stop doing all these things right now. Love is a beautiful feeling but only when it is reciprocated. See your ex, has he/she moved on with another partner? Is he/she happy? If yes, then it means the person has left the past behind and you do not hold any importance in his/her life anymore. What makes you happy? There was a time when you did not know this certain guy or girl and you had ur own life. We all go through such situations in life. Some people comes for a short period in our lives and then they go, You must let it go now. 5 years is a very long time. Please move on now or else there will be a time when all the precious moments of your life will be gone waiting for a wrong person. Start loving yourself now.
you should know that you are precious, there is someone out there who is truly care for you and love you for who you are better than your ex. life is beautiful, move on and live your life happily
Go out, he's your ex for a reason. If things didn't work out then they surely never will. You need to embrace the fact that you tried to get along with a person and due to the fact that you guys maybe didn't want the same things, it simply had to end. Of course you'll miss him, you'll miss the good times with him, but remember, there are 7 billion in this world and your soulmate is out there looking for you hoping he could make you happy in any way possible cause you'll truly be loved and cherished by him if he just stays and everything works out together. Meet new people, smile more, say hi as an act of social kindness. Compliment someone and look past the past.
I'd say, you have to do a big of digging to figure out why you're not over them yet. It sounds like a part of you feels that there's something missing so you can't let go. It took me forever to get over my ex, and I still have moments to this day. For me personally, I had to discover myself again. My identity was made up completely of what my ex thought of me: my short comings, my triumphs, everything they perceived was how I identified myself. I had to learn to trust in myself and to figure out who I was. I learned over time that I'm not the person they told me I was. I'm competent, no one knows me better than I know myself, and I'm capable. I was also trying so desperately to think of all the good times, that I glossed over the bad. When I was able to take everything into context, I was able to start moving forward. These days, I still think about her and I'm working on writing a final letter to address my feelings over matters, but I am moving on. I think I just had to do a lot of searching into why I felt the way I did and just what our relationship actually was vs what I wanted to remember from it.
Ask yourself why you are choosing to cling to the past and really try to reflect on this. Depending on what you come up with may help to aid your in moving forward with your life. Maybe if you are both on good terms you can talk to him/her about it because you might just need some kind of closure then maybe you can move forward with your life.
Getting over an ex is tough.Time I find is the best healer.Keep busy and learn to love yourself. ...
You should find your own happiness. Something that brightens your day and night. Smile and forget it
Heartbreak and losing a relationship can impact a person very deeply and the loss can take years to get over. This is natural, especially when the relationship lasted for many years and was very pivotal and special. Being ready to let go is really a decision and a healing process as well. One of the most important factors in letting go and moving on, with no residual attachment and pain, so that you can have a healthy life and open up to a new love, is forgiveness. Forgiveness means accepting unconditionally that the past is gone and that you both did the best you could do, at the time and under the circumstances. It is essential to forgive yourself and to forgive your ex. It is not always easy to forgive of course but having a life path perspective can be very helpful. When you look at all of your life and that small moment in time it gives perspective. Forgiveness is a humbling, acceptance of our humanity and our imperfections and a forgiveness of life itself for not being perfect is liberating and transformative. Gratitude is also essential in truly letting go. Being grateful for the lessons, the experiences good and not so fun and the moments of love will allow you to appreciate the reasons the love you experienced enhanced you and your life. We often forget to look at the cup half full. Everything is much brighter and relaxed when we stay positive and are grateful for everything. Everything indeed serves us if we give ourselves the space to be served. The last key to getting over your ex is self love. To love yourself enough to demand that you have your heart to yourself again, whole and healed so that you can live each day fully is essential. Rather than focusing on what could have been or what you had, focus on having an excellent NOW! Focus on loving life and you will little by little let go!
It is really hard to get over a relationship especially if that relationship lasted a long time. If you and the person that cares for you have talked and established peace between with each other then try and let go and move on. Its really hard to deal with.
Seek help from people close to you who have had tough breakups before and see what they did to help.
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