My boyfriend or girlfriend cheated on me, should we break up?
Last Updated: 09/13/2021 at 11:55am
Andrea Tuck, LCPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
I tackle and discuss a multitude of social and emotional health issues. I have a belief that through empowerment and non-judgmental support clients' can thrive.
Top Rated Answers
The simple answer to this, is a plain yes. Cheating means that your partner did not love you enough to stay faithful to you, and that means that they're priorities are out of line and they most likely will not be committed to you from that point on.
Cheating can be caused by a number of things: problems in the relationship, desire to experiment sexually with other people, bad decision making due to intoxication or drugs etc. In my personal opinion, cheating isn't the worst thing a person can do to another person. I've been the person who's cheated in relationships and it's never been because I don't love my partner. After coming to discover myself, I've realized that monogamy isn't really my thing and I've been much happier in polyamorous relationships. Not to say that this is always the case, but it really depends on a person's intention and why they cheated more than the actual act. It's also important that your partner is open with you about what happened and that you are receptive to hearing what they have to say about it. When it comes down to it, it's ultimately your decision whether or not you continue the relationship.
First of all, a person that found himself or herself in this situation has to understand that there in no right or wrong answer to this question. You and you only can make the best decision, as no one can truly see the relationship from your perspective nor can they feel what you are feeling. After finding out this hurtful trough you should first take a step back from your relationship and reflect on what you are feeling. Without asking for any advice or making fast conclusions you should first take a break from everything and try and calm down. Think about what you would like to ask him or her. Write down all your questions and feeling. Only then you will be ready and capable of truly hearing out your partner and moving forward. After making sure you are feeling as comfortable as you can in the given situation you should engage in an open and calm conversation with your partner. This is the time when you should ask all of the questions that have been bothering you. Best questions would sound like 'what is the reason behind your action?', 'are you interested in pursuing the other relationship more than this one?', 'where do you see our relationship in the future?' and most importantly 'would you be willing to try and make things work out?'. After you get all of your answers it would be best if you could let the partner know exactly how you are feeling. Letting him or her know how you feel is very important to move forward because only then you will see if your partner can fully understand the hurt he or she has put on you and if he or she is taking the responsibility. After having this talk you should try and find out whether the person is really sorry and is taking full responsibility for his or her actions. Also do they feel like they truly want to try it again? if after answering you feel like you should give him or her another chance you are probably right. You see sometimes people make mistakes and only forgiveness can save a relationship. However be sure this is not a thing that may happen again. Also after you both have reflected on your feeling this is the best time to talk about this with your closest friends. Share your feelings, you may need their support with whatever your decision may be. Never forget that whatever he or she may say, it is never your fault. A cheater is the one who should take full responsibility. Never blame the other girl/boy for your partner's actions. They are the ones who caused the problem and the ones who should have to be blamed. Never stalk or even allow yourself to be compared with the person your partner has cheated on. It is very important to remain confident and strong and comparison will never make you any good. You are the person he or she chose to be in the first place - surely you are amazing and beautiful. Spend time with your self. allow yourself to heal and do not push yourself to hide you feelings. It is important to greet your pain and treat it well so that it doesn't become suffering and a long term problem. You can find a lot of useful information about forgiveness here: https://www.7cups.com/forgiveness/ Remember that no matter if you break up or stay together, forgiving and letting the pain go is extremely important. Stay strong, Glasbes.
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Yes, because if you keep dating him, he will think cheating is okay. That you won't mind if he hooks up with others. Break up with him and find someone who will stay loyal to your relationship.
That is souly up to you. In my opinion yes, if someone is Willing to be unfaithful to you once, it will happen again. On top of that, the trust there is broken. And no relationship will survive once trust has been broken. It doesn't matter how sorry that person is. I believe when you turly deeply care about someone, no other person matters. You aren't going to want to cheat on them. You aren't going to be worried about other people because you are to worried about how to make your partner happy in a new way.
Wait until he does it again then make the decision to leave or not.
If they cheated once, they'll do it again, it's easy for them to find a replacement for you, everyone deserves to be respected, and in my opinion, cheating is very disrespectful !
My ex-partner cheated and i stayed for the longest time. We talked about it plenty of times and he said he would never do it again. Of course, he kept cheating. The relationship was SOOOO unhealthy. Not just for me, but for him too. I finally decided to leave and i feel so much better now. I had no trust for him after he did that to me. Relationships cant be built without trust. Cheating takes away all trust.
Not necessarily. It depends on how and why they cheated. It also depends on how you feel afterwards. I mean, you'll obviously feel bad, but could you live with him/her and know that you were cheated on?
I personally have been cheated on, and if you are or have been in the similar situation then you know it isn't a fun thing to go through. As to whether you should split should depend on the relationship. Everybody makes mistakes, right? There hasn't been a single human to make perfect decisions all the time. I think that if you truly believe that they are sorry and that it was just a poor decision made, and you really believe that they won't do it again, then maybe it won't hurt to keep going. It's going to be broken, but if the relationship is worth fixing to you, then do it. But if you have that gut feeling that it wasn't just a mistake, or that they aren't truly sorry, then don't fool yourself into staying. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. Can't get fooled again, right?
If the level of pain they feel reflects yours, try to mend it. Their pain is not for revenge - its for you to really know if they regret the decisions they made. The circumstance is important too, if this was planned - leave. If this was somehow an accident, or your partner was in a dark place and needed comfort somewhere else, then hear them out at least. It takes an incredibly brave and strong person to leave a relationship and bond with someone in this way. - You need to think about what will benefit yourself in the future, and what will eventually make you happy and comfortable either with them again, or in your own company. At the end of the day, only you can feel what you feel, and there is no wrong answer or choice. Every decision you make in life moulds the person you are, and adds to the experiences you've had, and the pain you've felt.
If your significant other cheated on you then they obviously didn't feel as deeply about you as you did about them. While this may be painful to hear, you should break it off, especially if it is a reoccurring problem. You deserve better! You are strong, amazing, and borderline perfect. That means not only do you deserve better... You can do better!
Unfortunately, taking others advise will not solve the situation. Because its you. It's your feelings. How you feel, how you feel about the whole situtation. You could tell someone the whole of the problem you are experiencing and the pain, and they will not be able to match an answer to how you feel. This is something you need to take time out to think whether you want to continue or not. Will the trust still be there? Will they do it again? Would I be better off without them? .. Love is a weird thing. When we love someone deeply, we don't want to lose them and will accept what happens. But we need to think about us and our feelings, because in the long run, it may hurt even more than it actually does now, and you need to think about you, and how it will affect you later on in life. Cheating is a very serious problem, and once the damage is done, it can really affect our relationship big time because everything changes, whether it's for the good or bad. Do what you think is best. You know that person better than we do, probably a lot more than most people in their life.
Breaking up always seems to be the go-to answer. In fact from my experience I would talk to your partner to try and find out why that happened. Even though you feel betrayed and hurt and angry. Take time to collect your thoughts and emotions so this does not become a heated conversation. From then, both of you can decide what the next step can be.
Unfortunately, yes. That person chose to hurt you in the most dishonest and disrespectful way. I know that people have forgiven cheaters, but at what cost to them. The loss of trust, or esteem. That person made the choices to break everything that was between you two by cheating. You dont deserve that ever. Don't lower yourself to stay with someone who does not care about you, the way you care for them.
That decision is truly for you to make; however, you should have an honest conversation with yourself. Ask and make yourself answer the difficult questions you may be afraid to ask yourself. Questions like: "What will I do if this happens again?" / "Will I be able to forgive him" / "Was my relationship everything I wanted?" / "Do I deserve better?" / "Is this acceptable to me?". Answer these honestly and without the nostalgia and rose colored glasses. You are the one whose opinion matters when it comes to your relationship.
It would be best to. He/she chose to do something that they knew would hurt you. They did something that made them happy at the expense of your emotions. That is something that shouldn't be rewarded.
Being cheated on, although is very hurtful, doesn't necessarily mean you should break up. If you love the other person enough to hear them out, ask why it happened, what could have been done differently, and see if it's a situation you can reflect on, grow from, and continue with. Society says it's horrible to be cheated on and you should leave the person but at the end of the day we are all individuals with different experiences. I personally like finding out what behaviors happen and see if it's something I'm willing to help the other person or myself before throwing in the towel. Don't follow the herd just because, learn along the way.
If the trust is broken there is no life in the relationship. Whether to break up or forgive is still in your choice
Yes, that is something that is completely unacceptable. Fidelity is so important, you need to find someone who wants to be with you and only you.
To be honest, i would say leave him/her. there's no point in waiting for someone who has no respect for you, your love, your affection, who doesn't care about your emotions. The question of breakup in itself is a pun. It's baseless, just be strong and get over the cheater. better be alone than be with someone who you know has played with your emotions.
Y E S . Cheating is not okay. Cheating will never be okay. Do not allow this to happen, do not allow anyone to treat you that way.
I say yes to this, most of the time. In my experience, even if the person never cheats again, how you view that person will never be the same. Some couples can work through it and be stronger from it, but this is the exception and not the rule.
I am so sorry to hear that! That is always very difficult to live with. Cheating can lead to hurting someone very badly. It's not fair to ones partner when one does it. Have you discussed the situation with them?
Well it honestly depends on who are, situation-to-situation. You are the expert on you. If you feel like you and your Significant Other can patch things up, and move forward with a healthy relationship, then by all means stick with them. However, if you don't believe the two of you can have a healthy relationship in the future, then yes, you should break up.
That is one possibility. But you should first ask yourself, do you want the relationship to work or not. People do make mistakes sometimes but it all will depend on how eager you are to forgive them and make it work. If you don't then there you go! You have the answer. But if you do, make him realize what he did, so that he won't ever think of doing it ever again. Try to put him in your shoes, I am sure that he/she will understand.
Before you just break it off , Get your partner's side . Not that cheating isn't a horrible thing , some people cheat only because they were lacking something , but people rarely work things out anymore they just give up . Understand , communicate and make it work .
It depends. Sometimes, our love is greater than our partner's failures. It's much more easy to forgive than to let go.
No one can answer that but you. You can chose to forgive them and give them a second chance. They do not deserve it. But if you believe that they can do better, and you want to try to make it work, you can. People can change. You have every right to break up with them. But if you want to stay, you can.
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