Why do I always feel like it's all my fault after breakups?

10 Answers
Last Updated: 04/18/2017 at 9:26am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Melissa Hudson, MS Ed, PhD(c), LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

I work with clients of diverse backgrounds on a multitude of concerns. My approach is, at times, directive, yet always curious, nonjudgmental, collaborative, and validating.

Top Rated Answers
DipityEnigma
November 30th, 2015 2:44pm
We tend to blame ourselves even if we truly know it's not our fault but even if there is a small amount of guilt for something you did that might have added to the inevitability of a break-up, you're more inclined to believe you really are the reason why it happened.
TheBFG
June 7th, 2015 9:30pm
Perhaps you become too emotionally attached or maybe you just care more than the other person? You have to remember you aren't the only person in that relationship so you can't take 100% of the blame. The majority of people have hundreds of breakups before meeting the right person so don't beat yourself up about it, go easy on yourself.
TheAlternateVent
May 17th, 2016 4:53pm
The fact that you had to ask this question only strengthens your devotion to the relationship. Thus overruling your assumption of not giving it your all. Relationship is a 2 way street, you did give more than what you received, it is their loss of giving away such a beautiful journey. You can relieve yourself of that doubt and try to cultivate the habit of self-actualization. If it was not meant to be then it is not your fault.
greatfulGrace21
August 16th, 2016 9:00am
It's not your fault. It takes two to make a relationship, it's only your fault if you didn't put forth that effort. And etc. but it can be either or. But if you know it wasn't you. And you did nothing wrong. No matter how many times you rethink over and over "what did I do wrong" , and there's nothing you did do wrong, it's not your fault.
Greatlistener87
March 22nd, 2016 3:09am
Always remember it takes two hands to clap in a relationship. If there was a breakup it takes two hands to do so too.
CendraListener
April 18th, 2017 9:26am
Maybe you were with a person who made you feel this way. Also, donc overthink it, a breakup is always something hard to deal with. So let's relax and move on step by step with accepting the fact that both of you were not good in this relationship actually. It's not your fault, your personalities were not complementary
viralsmiles127
June 17th, 2015 3:51pm
The first sign of regret is blaming yourself, its a sign that you know you didn't do your best at something but break-up is an issue where its either you or someone/something else
Anonymous
August 24th, 2015 7:26pm
because you care for the person and seeing them hurt makes you feel self guilt. once you realize that it wasn't anyone's fault and that it was not meant to be then you have nothing to feel like its your fault.
Anonymous
November 17th, 2015 8:42pm
It's normal to feel that way after a relationship has ended. It's not always entirely one person's fault in the relationship. Everyone makes mistakes and sometimes you aren't compatible with the other person.
Anonymous
November 29th, 2016 1:14pm
If you do not understand why the break up happens, doubt can take over and can cause anxiety, leading your mind to think everything is your fault.