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why does my family always blame me?

17 Answers
Last Updated: 07/18/2017 at 8:54am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Melissa Fisher Goldman, LCSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

I have experience in grief work and the related challenges of growing a family (infertility, miscarriage, PPD, etc.). I can help you through your life transitions.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
March 16th, 2015 4:48am
There is a family dynamic that is typically referenced for alcoholics that occurs more commonly. One part of that dynamic is a scapegoat, somebody that gets blamed for everything. It lets your family point fingers without ever acknowledging or processing what the actual issue might be. Unfortunately, it's unlikely to change until you are relatively independent and out of their household.
WolfImmortal
September 28th, 2015 6:08am
Maybe they find you easy to blame. You could tell your side of story in an easy & calm manner every time they blame you. Try to be an important and influential figure in your family. Be a lion! Remember - A scapegoat is always a goat, never a lion.
Anonymous
May 2nd, 2016 10:58am
Growing up, I always felt like my family was blaming me for everything. My sister, despite being underage and the oldest, was always drunk or experimenting with drugs - as the youngest and only other child, I felt like all her responsibilities were given to me and I was forced to be two people who just happens to be sharing the same body. I couldn't have possibly known it when I was young- but looking back now, I realize that it was my mother's way of making sure I always stay focused. I know it sounds crazy, but it was always more of an over protective thing then an actual "I'm blaming" you game. It was her way to control the things she couldn't and I'll be honest, it created a huge strain on my relationship with my family and myself. I was very resentful and very hurt, but the problem was the lack of communication between everyone in my family that led us down this road. Everybody thinks communication is easy or your just born with this simple knowledge of how to talk to someone, but in reality some people just don't understand how too. My family was never good at expressing anything other than frustration, and I loves yous were more like rewards when you got a good grade on your project. When I left for college, I still didn't understand how to communicate because no one really understood that I didn't know how too. It was actually my husband who helped me learn that getting angry, sad and upset where all things that were normal and okay, but to actually tell someone the reason why you feel the way you do was okay. I'm still learning how to communicate and my family is still just learning how to do this- but once you learn how to communicate, it makes things a whole lot easier. Such as, they aren't really blaming you, there just frustrated and didn't know how else to express it.
JamDrich93
August 16th, 2016 2:46am
having a strong personality is always a magnet of criticism. being blamed is not a reason to stop, prove them wrong by doing things carefully and accordingly.
mysteriousWillow50
November 16th, 2015 12:31am
Does your family blame you for specific things or for everything? Because if it's everything it could be they're viewing you as their scapegoat role in the family. There would be need to be more detail in order for one to really understand the source of your question.
Anonymous
November 7th, 2016 2:26am
They don't want to blame themselves for whatever happened and they want to take it out on someone. That someone just happened to be you.
peacefulWinter54
March 11th, 2015 1:07pm
Family can be tricky. They don't always see things how you see them or feel how you feel and that can be hard to deal with. The main thing to focus is making sure you don't blame yourself for anything out of your control!
rebecca947
July 18th, 2017 8:54am
Families may put the blame on someone else for many reasons. Some people may be in denial that they may be wrong, and as a defensive coping mechanism, blame someone else instead. This is usually used to protect themselves emotionally. Others may put the blame on someone else because they truly believe it isn't their fault- in which case, speak to them calmly and maturely your side of the story. There are many reasons people put the blame on someone else, and good luck resolving this! xx
Anonymous
April 15th, 2015 1:10pm
They doesn't blame you, it's their way of showing care for you, they want you to be a successful person in your life, so what they do is try to make you realize that you are not doing well to achieve your goal.
Anonymous
May 21st, 2015 4:50pm
Maybe your family doesn't really understand your situation or what you are going through. This can be solved with dialogue.
kearnonocturn
July 24th, 2016 8:09pm
People will be talking about being looking at it in a different way or "what doesnt kill you will make you stronger". I cant agree with that, everybody is different and its not like this and that person has the same mental stability, some are just weaker some stronger and it wont affect them as much. If you have a family problem then try to think what makes others angry, try to think what you have to get done before the members say something. If they(sadly) do then take a few breathes in and try to calm down, dont talk back just do whatever made them angry. I know that sometimes its inevitable and you will say something, but its fine when its enough its enough. Try to take a part-time job, make savings so you'll be more indipendent. Its all fine i understand you, I had the same problem. Think about your future. Sometimes just good contacts with family are just not possible, but life wont end on your family. So try to have your chin up as much as possible and go on :)
Anonymous
February 9th, 2016 1:07am
Well sometimes it depends on the situation. Sometimes they are financially struggling so any and all little things they pin on to you. Some family's may think your the blame depending on if you "listen" all the time or if you are just an easy target to pick on.
supportiveCat
April 14th, 2015 1:44am
Are you sure that they are blaming you? Or is there something else on their mind which is bothering them?
Greatlistener87
May 3rd, 2016 6:22am
I am not sure why they do so. But it doesn't mean its the right thing to do. Whatever the reason is it is good if u can find out from them personally why they do so.
PoliteOcean
September 5th, 2015 11:24pm
If you are having issues or family stress, perhaps speaking with those involved can help you. You won't know unless you try.
musicalDew34
November 11th, 2015 6:36pm
Well talk to them.. spend some time with them...u knw wat family really matters...so if they blaming u for anything them u must clear that out
Speakfromheart
January 19th, 2016 5:38am
This happens to me too. When everyone in my family are analytical logical and practical, I talk about sunshine and minions. They just want you to be happy , from their point of view. Make them understand that you're happy with yourself. That helped me a lot. Hope that helps.☺