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How can I avoid taking my anger out on others?

73 Answers
Last Updated: 04/19/2021 at 9:15am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jackie Dross, M.S. Community Counseling


I have a passion for working with people from a non-judgmental, strengths based approach to meet their goals for personal growth.

Top Rated Answers
September 11th, 2014 1:59am
Before you express feelings of anger toward someone, ask yourself whether they know how you are feeling and if they are responsible for your feelings. If others bear some responsibility for your current situation, try to examine — or ask them — why they have made the choices in question. Chances are, they were guided by reasons that did *not* include hurting you, which was an unfortunate side effect. When you are angry and worried about taking it out on someone, imagine the interaction you could share with them that would improve your situation, or minimally how you are feeling. Typically, eliciting positive and supportive responses is best for you, minimally by preventing more stress from discord. In other words, the fact that you're hurting from feelings of anger is your incentive to 'keep the peace' with those around you. Some tips for coping with anger: • Go for a power walk, perhaps with your favorite music • Watch/listen to something funny — make sure it makes you laugh! • Hit a punching bag, or a pillow • Write out your feelings to get them off your chest • Close your eyes, focus on your breathing and alternately tense and relax your body until you feel the tension start to melt away.
November 10th, 2014 7:09pm
To avoid taking out your anger on others, it is prudence to remember that you are dealing with human beings. That other people have feelings as well, and remember that when you are angry at others for no reasons, it just creates a bigger gap of misunderstanding between you and the person. As well as remembering that you would not liked to treated as such if you were in their shoes.
September 16th, 2014 7:24pm
Step away from the situation, come back when you are feeling less angry and try to remember that you are not angry with them, but the situation you are in. Try mediation, it's a great way to relax and to release any negativity from your body. Work on thinking before you speak, take even just two seconds to think about what you are going to say before you say it, so you don't say anything that might offend others.
October 19th, 2014 5:13am
Sometimes, it's good to talk to yourself, and also meditating can help. By channelizing your thoughts or just being an observer of your thoughts can prevent a lot of unconscious decisions. Good luck !
September 20th, 2014 9:49pm
The best way is to find an outlet, if you are artistic try painting. If you need to wear yourself out try sports or biking. If you are in the moment and need to stop yourself, just breathe deeply and think about how you would like to be treated, If you were on the receiving end.
October 23rd, 2014 6:43am
From personal experience, I've learned to pause for a moment and think about why I'm angry. It usually helps me identify the root of my anger; which usually isn't the immediate person I want to take my anger out on. Alternatively, I express how I'm feeling via creative writing. I find that when I express my anger and heightened emotions on paper, I don't feel the need to take my anger out on others.
September 22nd, 2014 9:25pm
Remember everyone has got their own problems you'll be just adding them one. Others' day can be just as bad as yours, you never know how bad it might be
October 19th, 2014 7:40am
Ask yourself if they know how you are feeling. Step away from the situation, come to a better realization that you are not angry with them but with the overwhelming situation(s). Try breathing exercises: imagine the negativity leaving your body with each exhale. Do something you love doing: grab a book, a paper and pencil, a paintbrush, your earphones, set of weights, or jump in bed and take a rest! Remember you are trying to keep the peace.
October 27th, 2014 11:12pm
Its angry control, trying to control yourself. A tip which helps me alot! ... Back away from the situation and take 10 deep breaths... In though your nose and out though your mouth! :) Your feel better for it!!
November 9th, 2014 6:30pm
You have to look into yourself and see what it is that sets you off when you take your anger out on others. See what it is that you gain from lashing out instead of holding it inside. See if there is a way that you can possibly reap the benefits without hurting others. The more aware you are of your actions, the more power you have over them.
November 11th, 2014 7:17pm
There are many ways I have found that help me. Staying away from others to not become triggered. Step outside.
November 15th, 2014 9:27am
This one i've dealt with on a daily basis. One thing i've found helpful was observation. I've known a quote told to me by my father: "if you can observe a thought, then who is doing the observing". Basically he meant to say that if you can observe a thought, then it is not a part of you. By simply observing how you feel, you can calm yourself down and control those emotions so much better. This is a part of CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and is a technique used in meditation and yoga. It is very effective, and I would definitely recommend that you do some research on the techniques. A great resource which can help you manage those emotions actually comes right here from 7 Cups! BEHOLD: The managing emotions guide!!! Hope that helps! :D
September 11th, 2014 7:54pm
Excising is a great way to let anger out, especially when you are not angry at anyone in particular, but more at a situation. You let out all the negative energy, and you get a work out along with it:) For those with less time, even blinking in a specific pattern while trying to remember why you were angry takes your mind off of things. Just remember that others may get angry as well, and when you are not angry and would rather have someone to go to, these people can become distant.
November 18th, 2014 10:03pm
Learning intrapersonal (self) communication has led me to avoid taking my anger out on others. I learned to identify the point in which I become angry and identify what is triggering the anger response. When I cannot cope with it in a safe, stable way, removing myself from situations has been the most beneficial response to such a situation. In conversation, saying things like "I would like to discuss this another time" or "I am not currently comfortable speaking with you right now" puts you in control of the situation. Offer another time to speak with or interact with that person "I will speak with you about this after lunch" or "Can we schedule a time to meet with x person to help us work through this?" are markers that identify to the other individual that you understand their concerns and want to address them, but now is not the right time. If you are taking your anger out on individuals close to you, rather than strangers, preempt the situation by explaining that sometimes when x happens, you feel a certain way, and would appreciate space and time rather than their active participation as more appropriate support. If a stranger angers you, understand that you responding with anger will only justify their emotion; responding in a neutral, passive way will dissipate the overall anger in the interpersonal situation and can help ground other people's emotions, not only your own.
August 10th, 2015 7:19pm
when it comes to anger managment, the long term solution is always trying to solve the real cause of your anger, who are you angry at? what causes you to feel anger? in which situations do you feel this way?, but, since it is a long process and being angry makes us treat the ones we love in a mean or distant way, what really helpes through this process is channeling this anger to other energy consuming activities, such as sports, writing, drawing, or just going out for a walk.
February 6th, 2016 7:37am
If you are known for lashing out on others when you are angry then I suggest that you isolate yourself from others when you are angry until you feel like you are alright enough to not lash on the people who have nothing to do with whatever angered you in the first place.
April 10th, 2017 12:45pm
Anger is something that affects you more than it affects the people you are taking it out on. Accept that fact. It sounds clichéd but count to ten, twenty, fifty and so on till you feel a little relaxed. Say everything in your head first to know what it sounds like. Filter your words and use them wisely. Do not hurt anyone physically or emotionally.
September 13th, 2014 8:41am
you relax, have a better and calm communication with others, and understand your environment much better
September 19th, 2014 9:22am
You can try to take your anger out on some other way of course... By writing, running, sometimes just sitting down and doing nothing can be helpful. When you get better, you can see what were you angry about and to try other times when something similar like that happens to react differently. And yeah, sometimes, just taking a great nap is a best. :D
September 20th, 2014 5:53pm
When I get angry, I take out my iPod, put on my headphones, and blast Alanis Morissette. It helps me tune out the world.
October 24th, 2014 2:06am
You could try to put that energy into more productive things. For me when I get angry I take a little time to myself, and I let myself calm down. Sometimes I'll listen to some music and then I take that little rush of energy and write what I'm feeling or draw a little. Just put it into something that interests you. Talking it out after you calm down a little bit always seems to help too so don't be afraid to do that.
October 25th, 2014 3:27pm
Punch a pillow. Work out. Go running. Anger is not the answers to anything, you should try to love more than hate.
October 25th, 2014 11:35pm
Avoiding taking your anger out on others can sure be tricky, but not impossible. You should try to do some breathing exercises when you get frustrated with people or are angry in general. Try this one: Breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 7, exhale for 8. Repeat this as many times as you need to until you calm down. Hope I helped. :)
October 26th, 2014 8:20pm
Take a step back and look at the situation from the other persons perspective, once you analyize the situation from there, it gives you the time to calm down a bit, and think rationally about the situation. The only way you can really avoid doing this, is being able to see other people doing it, and understanding that the other person is taking out their anger on someone that didn't do anything wrong.
October 27th, 2014 12:01am
First thing first is to take a deep breath and try to calm yourself. Figure out what's making you angry at the moment. Then try to see if you can find something else to divert your thoughts and such and try to avoid whatever made you angry.
October 27th, 2014 6:13pm
It is understandable that it is easy to take your anger out on others. Good ways to avoid this is to try to channel your anger out through different methods. Exercise is a proven method that works with relieving anger. Yoga is a great way to relieve stress, and in turn relieve anger. Try to avoid people when you feel angry, and try the old trick of counting slowly backwards from 10 to 1, taking deep breaths after each number.
October 31st, 2014 12:06pm
Take a deep breath and stop to think if your anger is going to help the person you are angry at. Realise the problem and why it has happened.
October 31st, 2014 5:06pm
When you feel angry just go to a quiet space, calm yourself down, think about your anger, see if its worth responding back in a rude way. Once your calm , come back to the person.
November 2nd, 2014 7:15pm
Surprisingly going for walks in nature every day calms the mind for the rest of the day. Simple breathing meditation. Working on the source of the original problem. Good luck & much love :)
November 3rd, 2014 7:03am
I always think before I speak, I think about what I am mad about and Ask myself if it's someone elses fault or could this be handled calmly instead.