Ashley2508 Member Profile

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Women's Issues / by Ashley2508

September 21st, 2025

Do I miss my ex or am I just grieving?

Relationship Stress / by Ashley2508

September 18th, 2025

...See more So, I’ve been dealing with the loss of my oldest brother. His death was abrupt and unplanned. He was 23. I’m 16. I’ve been struggling with it but slowly getting better as a month has passed now. I broke up with my ex months ago on friendly terms. We both had stuff going on and honestly, it didn’t seem like being in a relationship with him was good for him or me. We agreed to call things off and I told him to work on his mental health as he’d been struggling and made sure he understood that I didn’t breakup with him because I didn’t like him, but because I cared for him and wanted him to put himself first. We call sometimes, say hi every once in a while, and check in. I try not to pop into his life too much because I’m not sure what I can do to help or if he wants me around or not. He’s trusted me with a lot of his struggles and we’ve gone out as friends to just chat about things. He’s only told me and his best friend about his struggles. Ever since we broke up, he seems to only have been spiraling worse and worse. I don’t recognize him as himself anymore. He’s dove into a lot of bad habits. I did ask if breaking up had been too hard on him and he said that it wasn’t it and rather it was general life stuff. I reach out sometimes to check in on him and ask if there is anything I can do for him but he tells me that there isn’t anything I can do. I don’t pry too much because that’s not my place anymore but I always make sure he knows that if he ever needs/wants to reach out, I’m here for him. I believe I’ve moved on from him. The more we are apart the more I realize we weren’t compatible. I don’t resent him or anything and he’s a great person and always treated me well. I wish him the best and I still want him to be okay. I don’t think I’d want to get back with him but my mind has been playing tricks on me lately. When school was still in season, I told him about my brother because he had met my brother and I didn’t want the word to come out as a rumor. I also wanted to voice my concerns to him because my ex struggles with a lot of the things my brother did. He hugged me and that took me off guard and I sobbed into his shoulder for about 10 seconds before I got myself together. After that, we made a promise to each other that we won’t do anything crazy as long as the other doesn’t. I can’t lie, it felt nice to have that connection . And where my mind was, vulnerable and out of it, it thought, “oh get back with him,” which I obviously stomped on because I am not thinking clearly these days. But we hung out after that because I needed to make sure that at the very least that I was there for him. And I did, we hung out as friends, I got him some stuff for him to take care of himself, and we went our separate ways. I felt fine, I didn’t feel the need to go back to him after that and I figured it was just my head going crazy after everything that’s happened. School’s been out for about a month now. I haven’t seen him during that time frame which is fine but I still can’t help but worry. We still have each others location and follow each other so every once in a while I check on our socials to make sure he’s still active and alive. He doesn’t post anything but I can see when he’s online. It’s at least a little reassuring to make sure he’s still breathing. Lately I’ve been having dreams about him, nothing too crazy and it’s just him being in my general proximity along with other of my friends. But my dreams do make a point to announce that he’s there. (Im pretty positive I’m over him but I just worry so much because I see a lot of my brother’s struggles in him.) Today I got a really bad feeling and I checked in on his location only to see he was just going for a walk (which is fine because he goes with a friend, so I know he’s not alone). I want to reach out but I don’t know if it’s a good idea. I don’t think I’m trying to reach out because I still like him but because I’m concerned. However, I want to make sure I’m not just trama bonding right now. Also I want to know if it’s okay for me to reach out. When we broke up, I asked if it was okay for me to still check on him and he said it was. After we broke up, I still remained one of his closest friends that he trusts with his vulnerability. So all the signs to me point that it’s okay if I reach out. But I’m still unsure if he wants to hear from his ex to check in on him. Stereotypically, guys don’t really want their exes checking in on them but this isn’t a stereotypical break up so I’m not sure. I’ve also thought of a middle ground where I can ask his best friend to check in on him for me and also I could ask his best friend his thoughts on me reaching out but I don’t know if that’s a good idea either because I don’t know his best friend very well as we don’t really talk. The most interaction we’ve had is me delivering him a energy drink on my exes behalf. Other than that, I don’t know him besides that fact that he cares for my ex and also is there for him. Anyways, I’m sorry for the long message. I’m still dealing with the grief of my brother so my mind is still not fully functioning so this is just a jumble of words. Because I’m not exactly sure on my thinking, I’d like to hear what you guys think I should do. Thank you for reading and please let me know your thoughts.

What now?

Grief & Loss / by Ashley2508

October 4th, 2025

...See more TW!! Suicide I’m 16 and I lost my oldest brother to suicide about a month ago. It was on May 29, 2025. We had his funeral last week. I carried the casket with my family. Life has been *** lately and I don’t know what to do anymore. I miss him so much. He was my everything and was the one person that I felt truly safe with. He is the best person I’ll ever know. Life has been crazy but I don’t really feel like getting into that. Just right now, I don’t know what to do. Where do I go from here? I’m so lost and clueless. Everyone is telling me, “you’re not supposed to do anything,” but I need to do something. I can’t just sit here and feel miserable for the rest of my life. I need to do something to better myself but I don’t know what. I’m in therapy, I’m keeping up with hobbies, staying close to friends even though it’s hard, I’m still going out, I’m doing all I can. But there’s something more that I need to do but I don’t know what it is. I need the next step. I’m stuck in the middle of the last two stages being depression and acceptance. I don’t know if I can accept this. I know it’s real even though nothing feels real to me right now. I know he’s still around in spirit and that he’s happy now. Those parts I’ve accepted. But I’m stuck partly in the depression part where I can’t ever feel right. I can’t feel normal. I feel incomplete. Like there’s a gaping hole in my heart. I need something to fill it. I can’t keep going with this hole in my heart. How do I feel it? How do I feel better? How do I feel okay again? I’m doing all I can but nothing is working. Please help.

Question I need answered

Self-Harm Recovery / by Ashley2508

April 30th, 2025

Light at the end of the tunnel

Journals & Diaries / by Ashley2508

March 2nd, 2024

...See more Tw: Heavy subjects. Hi! Okay, when I first made this account almost an exact year ago, I never thought I’d even be here to this day. I was so hopeless and just desperate for anything to help me out of the pain I was suffering. I was so close to just giving up in an attempt to not have to live through this pain any longer. If someone told me a year ago that I’d be here, I never in a million years would’ve believed them. I haven’t been this happy in YEARS. I had been struggling for so long. A year ago, I didn’t even think that I’d live to see my middle school graduation. Now, I’m 2/3 into my freshman year. The first couple months were a struggle, but I finally found something that has helped me. This January, I got put on birth control. I didn’t want to do it necessarily, I didn’t like the idea of having to rely on pills, but I was so desperate for something to work and willing to try anything. Two months later, I’m better than I ever had been in a long, long time. 3 years at the least. Birth control helps regulate hormones which help anxiety and depression. It was hard for a month, my period lasted that whole month, but I was so worth it. Now, I’m on my high school’s softball team. I’m smiling at school. I don’t feel so alone and outcasted. ***, I can wake up in the morning and not have a panic attack. I can actually make it to school. I can get through my classes. I am able to do the things that I desperately wanted, to be able to do what the kids my age are able to. Be able to function and not be on the verge of a break down every moment of every second. I’m almost a year clean from sh. I will be on march 23 so it’s this month. I can’t believe it. Some of my scars are still there but they have faded a lot. I can’t believe it. I was supposed to be gone a long time ago. Now I’m striving. I thought I was doomed to suffer forever, I was a such a low place. Even 2 months ago I was struggling so bad. The past 2 months have been of lots of healing, improvement and change. 2 months ago I wouldn’t even believe I am doing this well. With this message, I just want to say, have hope. The past 5 years have been a struggle for me and yet I’m here and better than I ever thought I’d be. As someone who had no hope for anything and was about to preform something stupid and permanent, I want to say that it will get better. Recovery is possible and I wish the best to those who are going through some hard times. Thank you for reading and I apologize for the long post. There’s hope for recovery, even if you might not believe it. I definitely didn’t until now. I hope this message can help in anyway and if someone has any questions at all, please ask. I’d love to answer. Have a wonderful day!

I need advice please

General Support / by Ashley2508

July 2nd, 2025

...See more I don’t really know where this goes or where to put this thread under so I just chose this one. I apologize for how long this thread is in advance. I have this one friend who struggles with their mental health. I’m someone who people tend to cling onto because I somehow look like I have my *** together when I really don’t. I’ve been known o be the “mom” friend or the “therapist” friend. So, this one person naturally clung onto me. At first it wasn’t too bad. I was in a fine mental head space and I could deal with someone else’s problems. I was healthy enough to take care of them and give them all the attention they wanted. Now however, my mental health is ***. I still look out together but I’m really not. Now, I can’t give them all that attention that I used to be able to. Being around them drains me completely. I have low energy constantly and every day I dread seeing them. My life is going *** at the moment and I have nothing to give anymore. I feel horrible and like the worst person in the world. But I can’t keep up anymore. I want to be there for them and I want to help them but I can’t. They’ve clung onto me and I don’t know what to do. They think we’re best friends but I can’t even be myself around them. They think they know me but they are clinging onto the idea of me that they have in their brain, not actually me. I want the best for them and I want them to find someone who’s stable enough to stay with them. But I’m not that person. I feel like ***. And I hate that I can’t do more for them. But I feel so fake when I’m around them and they don’t deserve that. I don’t know what to do. Does anyone have any advice?

I’d like some advice

General Support / by Ashley2508

April 17th, 2023

High school Dilemma

General Support / by Ashley2508

March 29th, 2023

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