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Question: Abuse Survivors and Memories You Can't Let Go Of

Trauma Support / by Bubbles5550

December 10th, 2020

...See more I was hoping there was an Abuse thread to post this in, but I think this is the best spot I can drop it. My little sister and I (shes only one year younger) were heavily abused as children, but for some reason there is one memory that sticks in both of our heads, and it is so tame compared to the shit we went through that neither of us know why it bothers us so bad. We were 12 and 13 when our parents decided to take us on a vacation, and we went water rafting. It was actually kind of fun, but it was very, very long and we were getting tired by the end of it. Trying to lift our spirits and playing the way kids do, we started singing 'row your boat'. The guide - a dude probably in his early twenties - laughed with us, but as soon as the trip was over, we immiedately got our asses handed to us for 'being disrespectful', 'making them look bad', and all that other bullshit. We were grounded for the rest of the weekend, unable to participate in vacation activities (there was only 2 of us btw, no other children), rent movies in the hotel room or go to the pool, blah blah. We both vividly remember this trip, and it bothers us so strongly. We're grown now, and have had lots of therapy, and lead pretty normal lives where we can laugh about our trauma and be thankful we've moved on. But why is it that this is the one memory we can't get over? Why does this one bother us so bad?

Justice and When It's Not Enough

Trauma Support / by Bubbles5550

December 7th, 2020

...See more So, I was sexually abused as a child. My Rape Kits were positive, but due to not having enough DNA (it was '96) they could never say if it was my father/uncle/grandfather (my parents weren't married, but everytime I came home from visitation, my mother went to get me tested, trying to do something about ti). The judge decided that without DNA, they couldn't do anything about it, so I had to keep visitation until I was 15 and had finally had enough. I'm 27 now, and out of curiosity, I uploaded my DNA to Ancestory to see where I came from. I found a half sister instead. Her mother had been raped as a teen, and she was a year older than me. She contacted me and I told them who our biological father is, but I cautioned her to look into my case. She decided she wants to get to know them, but the whole thing blew up - bringing all my memories, past traumas, and actually causing that side of the family to threaten to send their lawyers to my mothers house. It also brought back a rage that I haven't ahd in quite some time, that my abusers get to be off and free and convince people that they're Good instead of being behind bars. My mom was in Civil Court, not Criminal, when we lost, so it's not like it would have lead to arrests anyway, and she says that justice comes in many different forms and mine is that I survived and was strong enough to distance myself as a teenager. But it doesn't feel like enough. It feels like settling. Like not cairing that other people are going to get hurt. What do I do with that feeling? How do I move passed it?

How do Normal People Do It?

Depression Support / by Bubbles5550

April 26th, 2019

...See more I feel like it's generally pretty normal for people in their mid 20s to kind of freak out about life, but for me - a person who has depression - it just feels like it's getting harder and harder and less and less worth it. i moved out from my parents at 18 but due to situations ended up going between them and a roommate until I was 24, when they kindly told me it was time to find my own place. My best friend offered to move out with me, but we live in an area where a 1 bedroom apartment is 1.9k a month and minimum wage is 7.50. It's not possible. Her parents kindly allowed me to stay with them, and while they are very generous and very kind, it is not a situation I can handle forever. My bestie no longer wants to move. So I'm on my own. An extended family member offered me a place for affordable rent but now It turns out moving all my things is more complicated than I thought it would be. I have a new job that at first I excelled at, but as I settle and become comfortable it seems like I am no longer liked and as if my bosses think I'm taking advantage of a position that was kind of created for me. In my day-to-day life, I am not a happy person. None of the things that I do make living feel worth it. I'm only a little happy when I'm on vacation or the likes. When something is rare and special.

I'm so tired

Depression Support / by Bubbles5550

March 13th, 2019

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