Justice and When It's Not Enough
So, I was sexually abused as a child. My Rape Kits were positive, but due to not having enough DNA (it was '96) they could never say if it was my father/uncle/grandfather (my parents weren't married, but everytime I came home from visitation, my mother went to get me tested, trying to do something about ti).
The judge decided that without DNA, they couldn't do anything about it, so I had to keep visitation until I was 15 and had finally had enough. I'm 27 now, and out of curiosity, I uploaded my DNA to Ancestory to see where I came from. I found a half sister instead. Her mother had been raped as a teen, and she was a year older than me. She contacted me and I told them who our biological father is, but I cautioned her to look into my case. She decided she wants to get to know them, but the whole thing blew up - bringing all my memories, past traumas, and actually causing that side of the family to threaten to send their lawyers to my mothers house.
It also brought back a rage that I haven't ahd in quite some time, that my abusers get to be off and free and convince people that they're Good instead of being behind bars. My mom was in Civil Court, not Criminal, when we lost, so it's not like it would have lead to arrests anyway, and she says that justice comes in many different forms and mine is that I survived and was strong enough to distance myself as a teenager.
But it doesn't feel like enough. It feels like settling. Like not cairing that other people are going to get hurt. What do I do with that feeling? How do I move passed it?
Moving past it is tough and will take time. Make sure to focus on yourself and reach out if you need support as well.