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Casmagicangel
1 100 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts16 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes8 Current upvotes8 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2023 Member sinceJune 24, 2022
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I found out that I might still be able to report it
Trauma Support / by Casmagicangel
Last post
 February 17th, 2023
...See more Tw: Talks about rape. So I found out recently that I could possibly still report my ***. A little back story when I was 4 and my brother was 18-19 he exposed himself to me, had my touch him, and gave oral. For years, I struggled with this, I didn't think it was considered rape. My memory is hazy of it due to trauma blocking. He confessed a year ago (he waited 19 years to confess and ask for forgiveness). Just the other day, a family member reached out to me asking if I ever thought about reporting him still. She said the law in the state that it happened say the victim has 10 years after turning 18 to report the rape of a minor. I'm really struggling with this... would a judge just laugh me, would it be wrong to ruin his life like that? He ruined mine, I have nightmares of it, ptsd, and trust issues when it comes to men. I know two wrongs don't make a right. Is it wrong of me to even be thinking about this. I don't want to see him or my other siblings and parents. Will I have to if I report him? I don't even live close to that state anymore.
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The holidays and cptsd.
Trauma Support / by Casmagicangel
Last post
 December 27th, 2022
...See more I honestly thought I was doing better, I was being triggered less but lately with the holidays here I feel like there are triggers around every corner. This was my first Thanksgiving, will be my first Christmas and new years since I cut my family off. I don't want to damper my kids and husband Christmas. I feel like it's my fault I have all this trauma. I also know this is just the start, I just got free, I just found out alittle under a year ago that I had cptsd, I just started healing myself. Even if my parents and brothers see it as "the devils work," and "keeping my kids from them". I want to enjoy my first holiday's with freedom without feeling cornered every turn by memories, triggers, and guilt. I'm sorry for the rant I just needed to get this out to someone, anyone, because it's eating me up inside.
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It's been a hard week
Trauma Support / by Casmagicangel
Last post
 July 6th, 2022
...See more Triggers sa and abuse This past week I went over my sa to the best of my memory. I was only about 3 or 4 (can't remember if I had my birthday yet or not) so i was only alittle kid. The reason I did this was hopefully to be able to put it behind me, to be able to move forward and gain my power back but I feel like it's gained more power over me. Small things have been triggering me and I've been have panic attacks left and right, nightmares, and I was also thrown into a downward spiral of depression. I feel even worst that my kids and husband has to me like this. I'm trying everything to put kn the bravest face I can but I feel like that scared kid again alone in her room after her brother just left him he was done. I feel like the kid who's parent's didn't believe her and took it out on her for years to come by telling her she was nothing and worthless. I feel useless when i feel this way. My husband can see it and has been so patient and loving. Reminding me that I don't need to say I'm sorry for tiny things, for crying when the emotions just get to overwhelming. I just want to be able to put my past behind me and to beable to focus on my truly loving family that i love being around and that makes me happy. I'm hoping that maybe writing this out will help me move forward.
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