I think I hit my low point.
I don't drink all of the time, only socially but when I do I don't know when to stop. My boyfriend and I had a lot of wine the other night. Me more than him. When I drink and get drunk, I lose control of my emotions. One or two drinks, I'm fine. But If I'm drunk I start fights for no reason. Most of the time I don't even remember why I was upset to begin with. Anyways I grabbed the wheel while we were driving home. I don't remember why. I do know I wanted to crash the car and hurt both of us. I don't know what the reasoning was.
My boyfriend doesn't think alcohol was the reason for this. Im not blaming the clohol entirely. I understand theres some under lying issue that I need to deal with but I don't know what it is. So I told him I'd stop drinking. I only lash out and get angry when I drink.
In general I am a depressed person and I deal with a lot of anxiety. I can control it when I'm sober.
I believe I need professional help and would benefit from a theropist but since I am in between jobs and waiting for my health insurance to be approved, I have nothing. So here I am reching out for help.
@Confidentwolf Hi Confident, welcome to the community! We are delighted to have you here with us. I'm so sorry to hear about what happened. I can't imagine what the incident was like for both you and your boyfriend. I'm glad you two made it out okay! It's wonderful that you realize that you need help, and I hope you can get the insurance approved soon so that you can start therapy. That in itself is a great milestone as many are in denial of their addictions and refuse to get help. Mental health and addiction have high co-morbidity which many people experience. How have you been coping lately?
If you ever need to chat with someone, feel free to reach out to the listeners at any time. You can also let us know how you are doing. If you have any questions or concerns, let us know. Best wishes, and I hope you receive the support you deserve here. We are here for you! :)
P.S. I adore your avatar/ display picture! Wolves are such majestic creatures.
@Confidentwolf It sounds like what happened with your boyfriend in the car was quite distressful at the time as well as after you weren't intoxicated anymore. Making the commitment to stop drinking is huge and I'm proud of you for choosing to do so. I can relate to waiting on insurance to come though and know that it can be incredibly stressful. It's a massive step to acknowledge that you think you need help from a professional. It's not an easy conclusion to come to. I hope that you're insurance gets settled soon and that you're able to reach out to a professional soon. However, I'm glad that you joined the community and you're always welcome to PM me, or another listener, for support.