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DarkAngel93
3,957 M Seeking Light 4
PathStep 60 Compassion hearts35 Forum posts39 Forum upvotes21 Current upvotes21 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2024 Member sinceJune 17, 2015
Bio

I'm just a lost boy, not ready to be found...


Recent forum posts
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Is this the end?
Anxiety Support / by DarkAngel93
Last post
 September 26th, 2017
...See more I can't seem to catch a break! I was dealing with trembling relationships past few days and now this has happened. Someone has made an account on Facebook with my real name including my compromising pictures. Everyone in the University has already seen that account including the faculty. I'm actually tired of hearing it's ok, it will be fine, you'll get through this....I am so done with life right now! I thought now things might get better eventually but I was wrong as always. Funny thing is its all my fault. I was the one putting them out there. I was the one who was going crazy of putting them on the name of art. I was so blinded by the creativity that I didn't know that people could use them to get to me. I don't have much options left right now. It's not gonna stop. It's never gonna stop. I can see my friends and acquaintances getting embarrassed of me. They don't say but I can see that in their eyes. I can see people getting farther away from me, my family, everyone because they know I'm not a good person and somehow on the way I think they might be right.
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I don't know what normal is anymore
Anxiety Support / by DarkAngel93
Last post
 September 21st, 2017
...See more Everyday, my mind is a battle ground. A constant war is going on between 'your'e doing it wrong, they hate you, you're the worst, they'll leave you' and 'just one more day, you can survive if you just remember to breath, they care about you, you matter'. I messing up everything, my friends have started to give me space but that's the opposite of what I need, I'm scared of letting down everyone and them. I just....I want to be normal.
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I Can't
Anxiety Support / by DarkAngel93
Last post
 December 31st, 2016
...See more Another year went by, and nothing much has changed. It really doesnt mean that anything SHOULD change but… yeah. Well I kind of need help/advice/opinion from you people. Umm a little bit about me first. I am kind of a messed up. When I was 5 I was raped by my uncle for a year or maybe more, my dad divorced my mom and the whole house felt like a battlefield full of mines. My mom remarried and my stepfather turned out to be much larger A-hole. Abusive and controlling. I never had many friends in school. I always had a difficulty in communicating with people. I am good with writing and communicating from far or that doesnt include face to face to conversations but…anyways. College was worst time of my life. I became a sex addict. Like I started meeting up with people who used to treat me like shit and the worst part about it is that it was the only time that I felt alive or worthy. I was bullied throughout my college period. People started looking at me like broken goods. People I knew, people who used to barely talk to me left me. After a while I went into serious depression and my family played no part in supporting me whatsoever. I dont belong to a wealthy family hence couldnt afford a psychiatrist for that. I fell in love with a guy, only friend I had and in return he ruined me. After that period, I made myself a bit stronger but it all resulted in me being over sensitive and highly insecure. I started having insecurities I didnt even know I had in me. The lil bit of friend circle that I made through much little success started avoiding me because everything started to bug me and offend me. I started losing people. I started getting attached to people really soon and started giving them more than they deserved. I never have been the one one looking guy so I never really got succeed in getting in a relationship. All people ever wanted or want was to get into my pants. And that fact still bothers me. After a while I started having panic attacks. I would wake up screaming at nights sometimes. Now I am in university, self-financing it. I have people who call me friend but it just doesnt feel right. All they ever do is use me, when they need something and whenever I want to share something they be like ‘get over It dude, youre just being negative. I feel like no one wants to be around or who wants to be around me is cause they feel the pity for poor me. I can sense it. And some even has said it to my face…. I know people say it supposed to get better eventually, say that eventually I will find someone who will see more than just a broken record, say that eventually I will find someone who will love me and make me forget everything. But this is today and today is making it really hard to make me see tomorrow properly. Its getting hazy day by day, the life that I imagined when I was little. And I am gradually getting further away from normal and slowly dissolving into myself. Just help me out, I need to be better…
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