HazelOlive98 Member Profile

...See more Oh boy this is going to be a long post. So I have been with my boyfriend for 9 years. I work for him at his company and have been the entire time we've dated, and 4 years before we started seeing each other. I moved in with him and his 2 kids 5 years ago. All was great for the first year or so after I moved in. Then I started noticing behaviors I didnt like. Before I moved I he made it sound like him and I would be splitting household responsibilities evenly. I have done 100% of the cooking, cleaning, errand running, taking his kids to school, picking them up, and cleaning up all 3 of their messes. I have brought up the topic several times and every time he says something to the effect of "thats not my job" and "you don't work so you need to do it". I do work, I work in shipping and receiving at his company. It's hard work. I handle deliveries and outbound shipments. I load and unload product from trucks and verify all the inventory. I also handle all of his online sales in the afternoon/evenings when we get home AFTER a long day of work. He keeps talking about how I need to get a job because he's tired of me not contributing and just "mooching". I had a foot surgery a few years back that needed some metal and screws implanted, no big deal. As soon as he got to the hospital to pick me up, he was asking me if we could go do lunch out with his parents then go back to their house to help them with some stuff... the nurse helping me hold my barf bag while I was still coming off the anesthesia had to explain to him several times that NO, I cant do that because I just had surgery. Then when we finally did get home, I was a little more alert but not completely there. He barely helped me get from the car to the front door, then when we got settled he turned to me and asked me to go pick his kids up from their mom's house ,then make dinner when I get back because he was hungry. I then had to try to explain to him that NO, I cant do that because I just had surgery, I cant drive. Their mom ended up dropping them off but I still had to make dinner. I had a tooth break about 6 months ago and I went to the emergency dentist who is a friend of my family. He gave me a deep discount on the removal of the broken tooth and a quote on a dental implant since the tooth is a front most tooth and it is *very* visible that I'm missing the tooth now and I wanted it fixed. I told my husband the quoted price which was less than half of what other dentists would charge me. He didnt say much so I dropped the conversation. A week or so later he brings up the tooth again and he told me he is only hesitating on paying for the implant because he thinks I'm "just money grabbing". This is after 9 years of me doing everything I possibly can to save this man a dollar. I shop the best deals on groceries i can for him and his kids on the foods they prefer. I eat foods I don't particularly like the majority of the time because they're extremely cheap. I don't go on shopping sprees. Ive had the same wardrobe for years. I cook almost all meals at home to save money, unless we are going out to eat with family or if he is craving a particular restaurant. At home I continue to get treated like just an employee. I am talked down to. If he asks (tells) me to do something and I get busy with a chore or other task and forget he'll come in the room barking about "i asked you to do this why isn't it done yet". He has taught his kids this awful behavior as well. They both talk to me like I am subhuman. I was diagnosed with MS several years ago but Im extremely functional, it doesn't significantly impact my life yet. Ill have a down day once in a while but that's it. His daughter, who is 18, has it in her mind that she's in charge of me and the house. She has tried telling me before that I can or cant go somewhere because "dad told me I'm in charge of you, you're disabled so you cant decide what you get to do". Thats just one example. Ive brought the behaviors up to my boyfriend and he shrugged and said he will not address it unless he hears her say something he thinks is rude. She knows this. She's made it a point to only act up in the car to or from school or when my bf is in the shower. She has damaged my car and wouldn't even apologize, she thought it was funny. His son is 13 and just completely undisciplined. He'll walk in the kitchen or wherever I'm doing something and say "dinner." Or "drink. Now". My boyfriend doesn't say anything to him about it. Im not allowed to address anything with his kids since I'm not family. If the boy doesn't get something he wants he'll just start screaming about how he hates all of us and his family and he'll start slamming things around the house. Again, bf does nothing. Things like this happen several times a day, every day. About a year ago we were in my car coming home from something and the boy got mad about something, and to show how mad he was he peed right on my backseat. No he was not made to clean it up. I had to. My car STILL smells on hot days. He had to be removed from in person school because of his behavior and outbursts. He has been evaluated and does not have any disorders. These are just small examples off the top of my head. I walk around stressed out all day almost every day. Im seeing a psychiatrist regularly, I am on alot of meds because of all this. I want to leave my bf so bad. I just cant find a way to. I cant get a different job to start saving money because my bf has made such a stink over how inconvenient it is for him that I don't want to hear it. I have been applying but he wont let me use him as a reference. I do not have any access to finances. I do not have a dollar to my name. I don't technically have a car, "my" car is in his name. When I moved in he had me sell the 2 vehicles I owned to put towards this car and he would pay the rest. He wont transfer it to my name. He has isolated me with how busy I stay with work and all the tasks I handle so I don't have friends, I don't have anywhere I can stay for a period of time. I had been going to therapy but I had to stop because he doesn't like frequent appointments because "theyre disruptive". I tried virtual therapy but he would always walk in and want to sit and listen or interject himself. He makes me out to be this ungrateful psychotic bad guy to his family every time him and I fight. Im not at all implying I'm this perfect, wonderful person who can do no wrong. I have bad days, I get mad when things like what I've mentioned happen and I'm not always calm and polite to him about it. Im not always fun and smiling and joking. Ive done my best to stay with him and have given 110% no matter what was going on. He cheated on me the first 4 years of our relationship with his ex wife (kids' mom). I found out after I moved in. I still stayed. I get belittled about having MS alot, thats posted in another forum. Im just exhausted. If I left would I be overreacting? Is it too late to leave or should I keep trying? Is this just how men are, am I just expecting too much?

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