I feel like I'm going crazy
Hi, Im new to this site. I also posted this in the disablity support forum, I think this is both. I am so sorry in advance for the long rambling here. Bit of background, Im 37 and have MS. I was diagnosed 4 years ago. Ive been with my boyfriend for 9 years and he and his family are "supportive". Im not severely disabled, by looking at me and watching me work you wouldn't think I have a disablity. I do have days when my symptoms flare really bad and Im not functional for the day or I'll have a relapse (very rare). Here's where the issue starts, I'm not sure if everyone is just very ignorant (despite having everything explained to them) or if there is some sort of control issues here.
I do all of the grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, caring for animals, caring for my boyfriends children, on top of working for/with him at his company (I do shipping and receiving), plus handling online sales for him on his website in the evenings/nights AFTER a full, busy day.
He's tried telling me that I'm just thinking that I'm capable of things and I'm really not. He's told his family I can hardly walk (i do about 8-9k steps a day?), someone will ask me how I'm doing and I tell them I'm fine, nothings bothering me today and he will blurt out random things like "no she's not ok she's just lying to be polite. She's having a very rough week" even when I've been asymptomatic for months. He'll ask me how I'm feeling throughout the day and I'll tell him I'm doing alright, I'm feeling good today and he'll go on about how "no you're not, the other day you were (insert unrelated thing)".
I can be doing something basic like taking a bag of groceries out of my car and my boyfriend will send his 18yo daughter outside to grab whatever I'm holding because Im "not capable". She has become a sort of mini wife since I got my diagnosis. That'll be another post though.
Every day I am talked down to and treated like I'm just completely incapable of doing anything. This morning we had breakfast with his family and at the restaurant one of them asked me if I needed help eating... my hands and arms are completely functional and this is a person that sees me at least twice a week. Then at the end of the meal I had some hash browns left on my plate and I was asked if I needed them cut up more for me to eat. I told her "um, no, I just got full" and my boyfriend interjected that "yeah she cant handle certain foods because of her condition, the MS makes her full too quickly." We all ordered the same meal (it was on special) and everyone else had a comparable amount of food left.
Another instance similar to this was a few weeks back after a buffet for lunch, a couple hours later my husband wanted to go out to a local diner for dinner. I told him no, I was still full from the buffet. He then went to his family and told everyone that I have an eating disorder and I'm "having MS complications" all because I didn't want another big meal right after a buffet. Am I crazy? Am i delusional? Is eating that volume normal?
His mother turned to me the other day and randomly blurted out that "people with MS that have kids produce children that come out with 6 arms or some other freakish deformity" then went about the day.
I had surgery to correct a bunion last year and I need my other foot corrected this year and him and his family have been talking about how "MS is eating my bones" and that's why I need surgery. Every minor ailment i get they turn into this huge overdramatised fiasco.
This is just off the top of my head , there has been countless variations of this garbage over the last few years. I feel like I'm going insane and I'm delusional despite my doctors and everyone else around me telling me that Im just fine the majority of the time unless I'm having a flare or going through a treatment.
Does anyone else deal with weird things like this from people around you? This is driving me insane
@HazelOlive98
You are not crazy.
Have you considered he likes family thinking you are worse because he is enjoying the attention/ pity? Maybe he craves that attention. Some people like drama and having an illness can be one big crisis after another even when it is not. it is weird that so many use another person's condition to seek attention, but it happens more than you think.
I knew others who would tell whopper of lies around my condition, I Have RA because they craved attention. like a sibling claimed to their co- workers I needed them to do things for me. we had not seen each other in a year but I was her excuse to leave early or call out........None of it true but people gave her the "I am so sorry it must be hard to be a caregiver" attention.
Always saying bizarre things about any ache or pain being part of my disease. we have something that can be dormant for a long time and then flare. We learn to handle our condition and should not be a point of constant conversation unless we become symptomatic and have issues. we learn to know our bodies and what we can or cannot do.
frankly the second meal on top of buffet sounds like he wanted you to eat too...... so he did not feel like an overeater. My spouse always wants me to eat with him even if I am not hungry to justify his eating even when he should cut way back.
@toughTiger6481 I hadn't considered that the attention may be his motive but it makes too much sense. He is a chronic overeater and very overweight at this point, which is fine I'm not judgemental about weight. I used to be almost 300 pounds but I finally got back down to a healthy weight about 3 years ago and I've been working hard to keep the weight off. My boyfriend knows this, he's watched me struggle with weight but he does frequently push me to eat alot more than is comfortable.
Im sorry to hear that your condition is used as a bogus excuse for others to get out of things, thats ridiculous.
