I feel like I'm going crazy
Hi, I'm completely new to this. This is my first time posting anything. I am so sorry in advance for the long rambling here. Bit of background, Im 37 and have MS. I was diagnosed 4 years ago. Ive been with my boyfriend for 9 years and he and his family are "supportive". Im not severely disabled, by looking at me and watching me work you wouldn't think I have a disablity. I do have days when my symptoms flare really bad and Im not functional for the day or I'll have a relapse (very rare). Here's where the issue starts, I'm not sure if everyone is just very ignorant (despite having everything explained to them) or if there is some sort of control issues here.
I do all of the grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, caring for animals, caring for my boyfriends children, on top of working for/with him at his company (I do shipping and receiving), plus handling online sales for him on his website in the evenings/nights AFTER a full, busy day.
He's tried telling me that I'm just thinking that I'm capable of things and I'm really not. He's told his family I can hardly walk (i do about 8-9k steps a day?), someone will ask me how I'm doing and I tell them I'm fine, nothings bothering me today and he will blurt out random things like "no she's not ok she's just lying to be polite. She's having a very rough week" even when I've been asymptomatic for months. He'll ask me how I'm feeling throughout the day and I'll tell him I'm doing alright, I'm feeling good today and he'll go on about how "no you're not, the other day you were (insert unrelated thing).
I feel like none of my work and effort is seen at all. I can be doing something basic like taking a bag of groceries out of my car and my boyfriend will send his 18yo daughter outside to grab whatever I'm holding because Im "not capable". She has become a sort of mini wife since I got my diagnosis. Thats a different issue though.
Every day I am talked down to and treated like I'm just completely incapable of doing anything. This morning we had breakfast with his family and at the restaurant one of them asked me if I needed help eating... my hands and arms are completely functional and this is a person that sees me at least twice a week. Then at the end of the meal I had some hash browns left on my plate and I was asked if I needed them cut up more for me to eat. I told her "um, no, I just got full" and my boyfriend interjected that "yeah she cant handle certain foods because of her condition, the MS makes her full too quickly." We all ordered the same meal (it was on special) and everyone else had a comparable amount of food left.
Another instance similar to this was a few weeks back after a buffet for lunch, a couple hours later my husband wanted to go out to a local diner for dinner. I told him no, I was still full from the buffet. He then went to his family and told everyone that I have an eating disorder and I'm "having MS complications" all because I didn't want another big meal right after a buffet. Am I crazy? Am i delusional? Is eating that volume normal?
His mother turned to me the other day and randomly blurted out that "people with MS that have kids produce children that come out with 6 arms or some other freakish deformity" then went about the day.
I had surgery to correct a bunion last year and I need my other foot corrected this year and him and his family have been talking about how "MS is eating my bones" and that's why I need surgery. Every minor ailment i get they turn into this huge overdramatised fiasco.
This is just off the top of my head , there has been countless variations of this garbage over the last few years. I feel like I'm going insane and I'm delusional despite my doctors and everyone else around me telling me that I seem fine the majority of the time unless I'm having a flare or going through a treatment.
Does anyone else deal with weird things like this from people around you? This is driving me insane
@HazelOlive98
Hey there, thanks for having the courage to share what's going on, I know it's never easy to press post and I hope that seeing things in black and white on the page helped you to process what you're going through. How did it make you feel, reading it back?
First of all, I am so sorry at how you're being treated, you're absolutely not going crazy and this really doesn't sound fair to you. I hear you - I also have a condition that flares periodically but most of the time I function just fine, so I think I can relate.
I think you summarised it perfectly when you said your partner's family are "supportive", and asked if they're not appreciating what's actually going on or if it comes down to a sense of control. You do so much and clearly lead a full and active life in spite of your diagnosis, and it sounds like you're being belittled and talked down to, which is not okay.
Have you ever tried to have a direct conversation with your partner or his family about this? It sounds so frustrating and I can imagine that you've told them ad nauseum that you're actually fine. It's really clear how much this is getting to you and I hope I've been able to validate you! Please do reach out if you'd like to talk further 1:1, I'd really welcome it.
@Lyra thanks for the reply! I know there is plenty of people with chronic conditions and/or disabilities, but I am so glad to hear that there is someone who can kind of relate. I have tried to *very kindly* address the situation at hand and it seems to always fall on deaf ears, or I am told that they dont think they did anything wrong and I had no right to say anything.
Another member of that family flew into town this morning so we went out to eat again this afternoon and I had another incident. His mother made a comment about my eyes; (I have heterochromia) "you know if you had a child they'd have beautiful eyes but they'd be cursed with deformities and mental problems since you have MS". It just feels like borderline high school level bullying at times. None of it is actually harmful in the scheme of things and I know that, the broken record just becomes exhausting to listen to.
Even this morning leaving the house, I turned to close and lock the door behind me and my boyfriend had his daughter shove past me to close it. I pulled him aside and asked him why he did that, I can close a door just fine. His answer was along the lines of he just didnt see that as something I could figure out on my own.