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Makancheez
1 1,099 M Little Steps 2
PathStep 5 Compassion hearts54 Forum posts10 Forum upvotes19 Current upvotes19 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2024 Member sinceAugust 13, 2019
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Addiction part 1
Self-Harm Recovery / by Makancheez
Last post
 November 23rd, 2020
...See more This app I turn to it ever time I hurt my self even if it's small but I was doing good. I moved back in with my mom I left the state I was in to be with her an and ex of mine. We broke up which didn't hurt until I had found out I was pregnant again, it toke me so long to get over my first abortion. I never wanted to get pregnant again. But when I found out I burned my stomach, I don't think about this abortion I've been ignoring it and it's been haunting me. I tell my self I'm great I finally wanna live that's what I kept telling myself. I met someone who was more messed up then me didn't find out it was bad until he tried to kill me, it's like I'm attracted to lights that don't shine bright and beautifully. I think every light is so pretty until I find out it's not the light it's the darkness constantly pulling me in, that theirs not good in everyone. I put my self in situations that hurt me and I don't mean to, I came back because the other day while cooking I burned my finger pretty good and it felt amazing. The pain makes me feel so normal, I've had a couple hiccups before this event like my metal sign I bent by hitting my self in the head to calm down. Or when I scratch my wrist or pinch myself, but this burn helped so much, a kitchen accident turned into me burning my arm again I'm disgustingly good at hiding my burns. This one isn't like that rest of my burns I've done normally I get big blisters I pop but it's made up of tiny blisters and their all over my arm.
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How can I stop?
Self-Harm Recovery / by Makancheez
Last post
 January 6th, 2022
...See more I havent hurt my self for a lil over a week now but its getting hard my burns are healing and they look so much better but I keep almost losing control and I cry because I wanna hurt my self so bad... Ive been pinching my hands or moving my fingers trying to keep my self distracted so I dont do anything I havent hit my self and Im proud of that but I want to and I wanna scratch my burns and pull my hair but Im trying and its making me honest feel like shit oh and I want a cig Ive never thought Id say that but i really need a cig
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Why I
Self-Harm Recovery / by Makancheez
Last post
 August 18th, 2019
...See more Hi Im mak, I was in 6th grade when I started cutting the abuse at home was just getting worse and my friend pricked her finger and for some reason I was like oh cutting will help I was cutting all the time until 9th grade when my mom found out she was nice at first then when she was mad would tell me to go cut my self so 10th grade I started again my freshman year was a lot to handle being homeless then living with my moms pedo ex until 10 the grade we had our own home and I felt safe until school life got so bad Id hide and cry my hole lunch and try not to be noticed in class that summer I was sexually assaulted and my mom didnt do anything or wouldnt want to talk about it so I almost OD on sleeping pills and every other pills I could find my junior year I got confused and boob... sorry but it was a game changer cause I felt stronger and more confident but I got pregnant... a broke condom... my mom wasnt ever home after that.. I was starving and alone shed tell me she didnt wanna effect my decision but I knew that was a lie she couldnt look at me.. after I had my abortion my mom was happy joking in the car ride home when I can remember me screaming and crying as it happened cause I loved what was growing in me but I knew a 16 year old who cant even get a meal couldnt give this baby the life it needed my mom told me how much my abortion hurt her but never how I felt my senior year... the second semester wasnt the best I was in a toxic relationship.. it destroyed me so I started cutting and when I got out of the relationship I still was depressed so I turned to burning.. I tried to keep it short Im sorry if its to long and now Im homeless leaving because my mom so yay to a new life and better mental health I hope
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I started again...
Self-Harm Recovery / by Makancheez
Last post
 January 6th, 2020
...See more I was clean for about a year all my scars had healed but recently things have gotten worse so instead of cutting I have been pouring salt on my skin and holding ice to it both my arms are completely burned from this and I wanna stop but I cant... idk what to do because I just keep burning the same spots over and over again... its gotten so bad I havent left the house in a long time and I walk around with a blanket to hide all the burns
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