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Melzabelza
336 M Embraced 3
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts23 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes7 Current upvotes7 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2024 Member sinceJanuary 4, 2021
Bio

I’m 21 I love gardening and painting i enjoy doing different crafts and Up cycling(repurposing things that most would consider trash and make it into something useful) i care about the earth, nature, animals. Space interests me aswell as astrology and anything spiritual . I struggle with addiction, and mental health but also have a bit of experience through it. I’ve also dealt with mental abuse. I’m still healing but I’m here if you need me. Helping others humans and animals makes me feel good and is one of the best feelings in my opinion. I also love to learn new things. My goal is to live somewhere away from big cities and have my own farm and garden and just be one with nature. I’d really like to make my own thing like soap bread slices furniture ect anything really. Some call it homesteading I guess . But If you have any knowledge on any of these things please feel free to message me and expand my mind.

Recent forum posts
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Advice please support anything
Addiction Support / by Melzabelza
Last post
June 7th, 2024
...See more Hello everyone. I need help, advice. I’m in a messed up sticky situation. You see my mom and I use m*th, my boyfriend knows about it I was very open from the beginning and of course he told his whole family so they all know. Well my boyfriend and I live in one house with our 1 year old. And his dad step siblings and step mom live in another house same property. Here’s the catch, his step mom was a recovering addict with a good amount of clean time. At first she was very supportive and tried helping me when I wanted to try to recover. None of it stuck sadly I’ve been using since I was 14 and I’m 22. I don’t know how to be normal without it. If I wasn’t so open and blunt about it no one would’ve even thought twice I’m a “high functioning addict” when I’m not I’m struggling. Getting a little off track but all of a sudden she says things like she supports me doing it because she sees how it’s the only way I can function. She’s seen me curled up in bed for weeks and has helped me brush out my dreads multiple times from lack of self care motivation ect. Then she actually gave me money so I wouldn’t have to “suffer” when I didn’t have it. My mom was the one I always got it from, because before I’d just steal it from her. Well while my mother was up here visiting me helping me get things done around the house helping me with my son chores yard work ect. Well my boyfriends step mom we will call her Joanne she insisted on hanging out while I smoked I felt weird but she said she wanted to see if she had self control and I told her even if she asked for a hot I’d tell her HECK no. But my mom.. you see my mom has had 4 strokes and she’s not even 50 yet. A lot of her cognitive functioning itsnt 100% she has issues with time management, problem solving, self control, judgement stuff like that. Joanne knew these things. And while I wasn’t there she asked for a hit and my mom didn’t say no she didn’t really know her recovery story/journey. I know my mom didn’t do it in an evil way like ya let’s ruin her sobriety lets get her hooked again” no not even close. She just wasn’t thinking. Well now Joann has been using here and there, ( prior to actually using she was on prescription aderall ) so she tried and tries to play it off like it’s her aderall immediately her daughters could tell. When Joanne told me she was using again my heart sank. Like f me. Here I am always messing up and ruining peoples lives just by simply being in it. God They immediately went to me and asked me they said they wouldn’t blame me ect I was panicking and joannne snd her daughters all texting me so I said I personally didn’t know anything she does know where I stash my stuff she could’ve possibly gotten into it I don’t know. Fast forward 2 weeks. Joanne tries to come clean to her husband saying she DID IT WITH ME ! With me are you kidding I didn’t give you it. No.! He goes on yelling at her saying he’s going to have a talk with me I need to go ect she tries to play it off like she was kidding. Mind you I moved 2 hours away from my family my support system to a whole different county quit my great paying job with benefits to be a “family” with my sons father because he needed to move closer to work. This is all falling on me and I’m literally feeeling so guilty and in a panic once she tells him “the truth” that’s not even how it actually went ! it’s going to ruin my whole life/ relationship ect and just flip it upside down. Joanne had a past with you kno what she’s not using in that way yet but she is very paranoid and accusing her husband of cheating looking way too into every little thing on his phone. Back when she was using n****** she went into psychosis. People are going to catch on, the truth always comes to light. I know what to do I think.. I need to pack my stuff and leave move back in with my grandma, and tell the truth so she can get help ? Or what do I do. I feel horrible. I’m crying in bed while my son and boyfriend sleep next to me. Please any advice or words support anything would help. I know I’m in the wrong but I never meant for this to happen I never thought this would happen.
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Addiction a
Addiction Support / by Melzabelza
Last post
February 27th, 2024
...See more I’ve been using meth since I was 14, I’ve tried to quit many time but only lasted a couple months. I’m 21 now still using sadly but I’ve been running in circles calling so many numbers to try to find an in patient rehab that accepts my insurance. Finally I found one but have to wait tell tomorrow to call because I got ahold of them right at they were closing and going home. I’ve been feeling like I’m going crazy recently and am at my lowest I’ve ever been my mind is on this continuous look of negative irrational intrusive thoughts. I have a son who’s one year old… I want to do better for him. I want to be a better mom I want to be present I want more patience I just want to be healthy so I can do good by him. Sadly I relapsed a few time while pregnant… and it kills me every day I feel so much regret and guilt and shame and beat myself up over it so much. But I’m getting help. And I’m excited, terrified but excited.
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Relationship
Relationship Stress / by Melzabelza
Last post
February 24th, 2024
...See more I’m not a priority. We just moved into our own house 3 bedroom he gets the garage as his space then our son has a room and the spare room is supposed to be my art room. Well we’ve lived here for 5 months, my art room still isn’t put together a lot still in boxes half my things are still 2 hours away at my grandparents where I lived prior he hasn’t made an effort to try to go get it because all his things are here. My art room had a leak due to the washing machine and ruined the hardwood floors now I feel like I’ll never get my own space I need me time I feel like I’m going crazy
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First time mom
Relationship Stress / by Melzabelza
Last post
February 24th, 2024
...See more I honestly don’t feel like a priority in my relationship I’m a first time mom my sons a little over a year and I feel like I’ve been having to do it all alone it’s a fight to try to get him to watch his son so I can have me time, time to distress, time by myself ect. It’s getting to the point where I’m getting frustrated with my son, overwhelmed, burnt out. And it makes me feel so guilty.
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